Escaping Freshman Fifteen

Last year I got by through volleyball. We were always training and practicing and I sweat A LOT. But this year I'm worried I'll succumb to the horrible disease that is Freshman 15. I play no sport, so there's nothing to keep me active. I go to the gym maybe once every two weeks (at least once a week if I'm being good), which isn't much exercise if you think about it long-term. I try to take the 6 flights of stairs up to my room to save power and keep my heart pumpin strong (that's more than I can say for those people who take the elevators from the 3rd floor to the 5th floor EVERY SINGLE DAY...), I've cut back on my juice and soda intake dramatically, and I try to only eat until I'm satisfied/eat smaller portions (with less meat also!), but at the end of the day... I CAN'T STOP EATING - or, let me clarify that. I can't stop snacking! It's sort of a problem because I'm always looking around for food but the stock in my room ran out so then I have to use my laundry money or cash to get something ridiculously overpriced from the vending machine which won't even fill me up but I still get anyway. It's as though I always have to chew on a snack.. And 90% of the snacks I end up eating are junk. I'm afraid. That my pouch will come back and haunt me, never go away. How do I control my food intake? Do I keep eating because of stress? Or because I'm just bored? (Sad, but true, that's a real possibility.)
I lost maybe 10 pounds over the summer when I cut out meat from my diet, maybe I should start that again to cancel out the buildup of bad foods.. Yeah, that's bad logic haha. Damn junk food, why must you be so tasty? Leave me be!!!

I can't stray from the sweets!

To feel so incredibly alone and helpless even when...

To feel so incredibly alone and helpless even when surrounded by a sea of people is absolutely the worst feeling there is.

I just wanna...

flip a fucking desk and say "Fuck it!"

My mood has progressively gotten worse in the course of one day. I'm just agitated and frustrated and I'm upset and I just wanna flip off anyone and everyone. If Jay and my major and my work and my friends and my roommate and everything else that's wrong were all somehow molded together into the shape of a desk, I'd flip if in an uproar and stomp the shit out of it. I'm just emotionally exhausted and I just wanna be done. With everything.

Why does life have to be so hard?
And I know that things could be far worse, but I'm struggling here.

I find it pathetic that I'm even considering how simple things would be if I just died. Or if the world really did end in a month. This stress is sinking me back into those depressive thoughts, NOT good -__-

7 Girls in Jay's Room at Midnight...

It's all movie and massages and too many dirty jokes from this one loud girl (my new enemy - or rather, girl I don't particularly like because she loves to talk about Jay and how hot he is and she loves to feel him up while giving massages and laying on his bed).

Sooooooo... with all these girls much prettier than me around, I realize that I don't stand a chance. I'm a "good friend" and that's all I will ever be. So much for that I guess.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wishful thinking. Stupid me.
You know what? NO. Stupid Jay for not pursuing me.

I'm just discouraged and disheartened now. Great night, huh?

Innocence

Just give me a chance.

I feel pressured to say something extraordinary when you ask me "What's new in the life of Christina?" I feel like the most boring person on Earth when I answer "Nothing much". I don't find my life very interesting at all. If there's anything new and fun about it, it's you. So please don't write me off, don't forget me. Just ask me more specific questions about my life. I'll give you better answers. Trust me, I want to tell you all about my life. I want to learn all about yours too! Just.. spend a little more time with me, love. And I know that you'll find, love, that I WILL possess your heart.