Why So Serious?

There's this poster I put up on my closet door recently. It's of Joker from The Dark Knight writing "WHY SO SERIOUS?" in blood with his thumb. And he's drawing a bloody smile that looks like the one on his face...
I just thought that I'd share that. It used to be my brother's. He hung it behind the door of his room. Quickly after he moved, when my mom was putting away all his stuff, she took it down was about to throw it in the trash. But I saved it. I miss Malcolm. But hey, that's why phones were invented. No matter how bad my day went, when I talk to Malcolm it all gets better somehow :)
And I'm so glad he's been helping me with this whole college process. Heaven knows I never would've been able to do it on my own. I just wish that I didn't procrastinate as much. I want to make him proud... I found a book in my bookcase a while ago. Where The Wild Things Are. Malcolm gave it to me for my last birthday. I really wanted to go see the movie, for him to go with me, but we never got a chance to. So he got me the book :) And he wrote me a beautiful message in the back. My brother... I should really sit down and try to write that college essay about him I've been meaning to.
But anyway, I didn't want to ramble on about him. I wanted to also say that I am so SORE lol! I've only had captain's practice for the past two days. Yesterday, I was fine, but when I woke up this morning my butt was sore. Then I came home today (after walking home from Forest Hills) and my legs were so freakin sore! Bending my knees takes so much energy haha. But I'll get used to it. I love volleyball. I missed it haha<3
Unfortunately, I'm running out of cash FAST. I was able to save up $50 about 2 weeks ago. Now it's all gone. This sucks. It costs a lot of money to get to and from practice everyday. Plus I have to buy stuff to eat because there's nothing at home. And once again, I'm not getting allowance (more about that later). That's why I walked home from Forest Hills today. I thought it was a good workout. And of course it saved me money lol. (Not only that but my bus apparently doesn't run from 10:45- 11:55 on weekdays... LAME -_-) So I decided that I'll go tomorrow but then not go for the rest of the week since our practice keeps getting interrupted by little kids who use the gym anyway. This weekend I hope I'll be able to ask for like $10 to get a weekly pass or something for captain's practice next week.
So today after practice I watched Buffy and visited Lexy. She's so bored at home lol. The laziness must've emanated off of her and spread to me like a disease somehow while I was there because I found myself not having enough energy to even finish sentences coherently LMAO. Late at night my parents came back home. My mom was complaining that I didn't wash the dishes eventhough I was here almost all day while both my parents were at work for about 12 hours. Yes, my dad usually works like that, but lately my mom has been working late to make extra money. Bills bills bills :(
Being completely honest, there's like nothing to eat other than leftovers from Saturday (I'm surprised it lasted this long). And I'm afraid to ask for money because... well, they're struggling to make ends meet. True, they are supposed to be providing for me and making sure that I have everything I need, but I don't know... I just feel like a burden. But hey, in a sense all kids are I guess. Yea. Well, that's why I can't go out this weekend. No cash. Sorry. I'd really love to, but I can't.
Oh yea. And Lexy and I were talking today as she walked me home. We talked about our goals before graduating. Mine is simple: go on a date lol. I want to go on a serious date. I'm just waiting for the right guy, I guess. It's taking a while cuz most guys at our school are uhh... not very date-worthy haha.
Alright. Well I gotta get some sleep so I can wake up at like 6 for practice lol (so sad)... And I gotta get some reading done haha. That's me! Sleep deprived, procrastinating Christina lol. Sweet dreams all :)
Xtina<3

When It's Over

Hello lovely blogettes. Good morning. Oh wait, good afternoon :)
I'm just gonna skip that whole "sorry I haven't been blogging" intro cause I realized that I'm just not an avid blogger. I'm not making anymore promises about blogging. I'm not setting myself up like that lol. I'll blog when I want! So take that Tiff! You and your frequent bloggers can go... blog. Hahah.
So... the end of summer is nigh! NOOOOO!

*25 minutes later*

Oh, haha. I went to go get some fruit salad. I was hungers (yes, I said hungers; it's my new word). But actually, I still am *grumble*
Anywho, the weather def isn't as hot as it was earlier this summer and I'm a tad bit disappointed about that. I'm still gonna go to the beach with Vtang and Jenn and Amy, but I feel like the weather should be high 80's or even 90's to go. That's the perfect beach weather for me (also, the perfect tan/burn weather lol). And I've heard that they want to go on a day closer to the start of school.... WHAT? lol
That seems absurd to me because summer = beach and sun and fun while the start of school = autumn and windy days and not much fun. Do you see my point? Plus, I'll be busy school shopping and book reporting. A week before school starts, that's when I'm in serious mode and I actually start to care about getting ready for school. Right now, I'm still in summer mode and I'm tryna have as much fun as possible in these last few summer weeks. That's all I want :)
But yea, that whole summer mode thing is probably the reason why I still haven't finished my essays lol. But hey, I know for a fact that probably 70% of our class hasn't done it either. We're all lazy (either that or we have better things to do).
I have the outline of my essays, I'm just not in the mind frame to be putting words together and forming smart-sounding sentences lol. I hate essays, I really do. But I'd better get used to them. I want to be a biomedical researcher. That means a LOT of lab reports... and essays. Great.

*30 minutes later*

Hahah. Sorry, I went to check on my cousins... and eat ice cream cake :)
Yesterday was my twin cousins' birthday...s? lol They turned 21! Yay! Though the pre-clubbing party was slightly lame (just them, some friends, and a couple of cousins eating food and cutting an ice cream cake -- yum), in the end, they had fun, which is great! They looked gorgeous. And the heels they were wearing... whooo! :D I still can't imagine myself going to a club though, like at all. I can't dance, like at all. And though I hate to think of myself as so, I'm slightly introverted. I'd rather spend my Friday/Saturday nights doing something fun with a few friends or even by myself, but at a club? I can't picture it. But who knows? Maybe my 21st birthday my sister will take - no, drag me to a club like she did for my cousins. Except. I don't really like my sister. So I don't see how that'll work. Honestly, when my sister made her entrance to the "party" last night, I wasn't happy. I saw her making her way in the house giving hellos and I made a face. I don't like to admit it. I felt bad for not being happier, but I couldn't help it. I can't help it. We were never close as kids. Never. Welllll... except for that one time....
It was back when we lived in the same room. I was around 10, making Dinah about 15...? Anywho, my parents were fighting in their room (which is right next to ours). And I started crying on my bed. Dinah was like putting away clothes or something and she saw me crying and she asked me what was wrong. She climbed into the bed with me and hugged me until I stopped crying. That was probably the ONLY time she ever comforted me. Thank God I have a brother to look out for me when so clearly she doesn't. My mom tells me that a sister is the most wonderful thing a girl could have. Easy for her to say because she has like 5 sisters she's all close with. I don't know. I'd love to patch up our relationship, but that just doesn't seem possible right now. Maybe one day. Maybe she'll surprise me on my 21st birthday and treat me like a loving, caring sister would.
But one other thing I remembered about her last night. When the adults were debating about which club to go to, my sister was the loudest and put in little tidbits of info about fake IDs and about which club was the best and on which days. I tried to control my disgust. She's just parties that much. Of course she would know everything about every club... smh.
But yea, speaking of birthdays, my mom gave me the best idea for my 18th birthday... SKYDIVING!!!!! :D I'm so excited for my birthday. It's gonna be -- better be awesome! It's on a Saturday so I hope to party all weekend long haha. Friday I'll hang with my friends and Saturday I'll have a party with my family. But yea, skydiving = awesome! It's on my list of things to do before I die. So it'll be great to get it done right before my birthday. The only problem is... my birthday's in the winter. And I'm not sure if you can still do it in the cold of winter. Regardless, I looked it up and there's like 5 places for New England. AWESOME. I can't wait.
Ummm. And lastly, I've been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer lately. My brother left pretty much all his DVDs when he moved. And he left his box set of Buffy. First, when my sister was still staying here, she watched it, but she left it open and since our cable has been shut off again, I thought that I may as well see what all the hubbub is about. And it's a pretty good show. I absolutely can't get enough of Angel <3 He's uber hot and he's so sweet! I wish I could find a guy as sweet and charming (and good-looking) as him. Oh yeah! And last night I got bored so I decided to look up ways to wear the ankle-length leggings my mom got me from Canada. The site said to wear them with boots or flats or heels. So I tried on a few outfits last night with my heels on and I must say that it was pretty cute. Even though I'm completely against the whole legging fad, I'm gonna try to wear what my mom bought me because well, she can't return it now and I shouldn't knock something before I try it. I was thinking about where I could wear my leggings and heels outfits too. I MIGHT just wear it to school one day haha. But aside from that, I'd love to wear them on a date. I like to dress girly in heels, but I never get the chance to do it because well, I never do that sort of stuff with friends and wearing heels would make me much taller around my friends than I already am. But if I could just find a guy tall enough, I'd love to dress up and strut around in heels by his side :)

And btw, I'm still reading my first summer reading book, 1984. It starts out incredibly slow, but it picked up after a while. And now I've gotten to a point in the book where he's reading Goldstein's book. I can't believe that Mr. Orwell would waste nearly 50 pages on that crap. It's so BORING! I find that I can only read it in 20 minute intervals because I tend to fall asleep. Sheesh. I don't need to read what he's reading! Get back to the action! I can't wait till I'm done with this book so I can move on and get my summer reading DONE. (Little fun fact: college kids don't have summer reading! ;) I almost can't wait for college just because of that haha)
Well, that's pretty much all I've got to say for now. I'm gonna go watch like two more episodes of Buffy then FINISH THOSE ESSAYS!
Blog ya later! Probably later on in the week because VOLLEYBALL STARTS TOMORROW! (Captain's practice, that is) I can't wait to touch that ball again and smash it one more season. And also finally face my fears of seeing Jenny and Goofy together. That should be fun... *sigh*

Xtina<3

Feelings

This was something else I wrote in a note on my phone. It needs no explaining. I saved it because I thought that I should remember it. I don't know....

April 14, 2010
5:09 PM

I feel like crawling to my room and just hiding away from the world... but I've learned that you have to be brave sometimes and that some things are bigger than you. You gotta think about others and be there for those in times of need. I'm glad to do that if it's for my friends, those I love dear.

Random Kid

This was something I had in a note on my phone a while ago. Hahah. I just thought it should be in here :)
I was at the YMCA on one of the weight machines...

June 21, 2010
3:07 PM

Okay some RANDOM ass kid first waved at me as he was walking by I had no idea who he was so I didn't wave back (maybe he was waving at someone through the glass behind me?)
I let it go. But as he was walking out of the little office the walked in, he came over to me and FIST BUMPED. He said hi and I was like "...hi?" Then he left. Who the braided mo-fo was, I have no idea but I don't think I want to see him again...
o_o


LMAO. Good stuff. I have a feeling I met him at this Y Teen Leaders outing I went on. We went to a Red Sox game. Maybe he was the kid I was sitting next to? LOL. Oh well, I'll never know.

Fembot

I do what I must to survive,
to live.
I guard my heart with an iron cast
because maybe, just maybe
absence of emotion
is better.
This void permits no thrills
or runs of sudden, ecstatic happiness.
But there aren't any
heart-wrenching depressions either.
There are no letdowns.
For if I have nothing to hope for
I won't be disappointed
not to get it.
So when you see me next
I will be ready.
I will be armored.
Emotions will be contained.
They have to be for me to move on.
Maybe, just maybe
this void will grant me peace.
Still
the sad part is:
fembots have feelings too.
So when everyone disappears
and I'm left to my own devices,
that's when the metal melts away
and the core is exposed.
Emotions are let loose
and the fembot cries.


What no one ever told ya, was you can cry when you get older...

Sooo. This is Summer.

Hello all! Sorry I haven't been updating. I'm lazy. I could lie and say that I've been very busy for the past couple of weeks, but I won't. There have been times when I started writing a little something to post on here or even in a note on my iPod, but I never seem to finish them. I just have this thing where if I'm gonna post something, it has to be complete and good. But I guess I should get over that because to write a good blog it takes me like an hour or so. So from now on I'll try to one, keep it simple, two, shorten it, and three, post even if I don't finish. Are you happy?
Haha. I'm sorry. I know that you all love to see the monkeys on my page (but hate that the first words you see are F U, lol). I promise to post at least once a week, I'll try to at least (that would be number four in that little list above).
For those of you who are new followers, I must tell you that even though you are all friends, I'm still private about my blogs. I try to use nicknames when I talk about people. Sooner or later you'll figure out who they are.
On that note, Sushi said that she doesn't like blogging lol. I doubt she's going to be updating any time soon (if at all!). Now with that being said, on with the blog!

Hiiii! I'm back :D
Hmmm. But when I think of interesting stuff to write about nothing comes to mind. Unfortunately, I haven't been doing much lately. For the past... let's say two weeks, I've mostly stayed in my house watching TV and movies. It's not fun -- anymore.
Phew. Now I'm getting tired. But I have to give updates so I guess I'll just highlight stuff that happened previously and then tell you what happened today.
*runs upstairs to get the big calender on her desk*
Muahahaha! I knew there was a good reason why I've been writing down what I do everyday. By the start of each school year I usually find myself answering "Not much" when people ask what I did during the summer. However, I figured that if I wrote everything down, I would see exactly what I did and when. And now I can use it for my blogs! Hahaha.
Anywho, let's see... During the last week of school I went to Dedham mall with Sushi where we saw Jenn (they hit it off great! lol). I had a "date" with Vicky and Tingtong (and Tony) which was funnn! It was my first time eating froyo at Red Mango (yummy, but expensive). I got a smoothie and went to Gally with Sushi (more malling hehe). Again, the smoothie was yummy but expensive. I had an amazing day with Rose, Derek, and Sushi. We went to Cheers and ended up just wandering around having the BEST time :D I can't wait to do it again with karaoke, though I now know that Rose is a horrible event planner. I volunteered at the Red Cross Food Pantry with people from the Y. That was a great experience too (especially with the yummy chocolates they gave us afterwards). I went to Blue Star with my dad for brunch (more yummy food). Then I went to JFK beach twice in a row with Vicky and Tingtong and others lol. My dad wasn't too happy about that. But I still had fun... the first day that is. The second day was sorta kinda crappy. I cried *sigh*
JULY. I made delicious strawberry banana muffins early in the morning then went to Gally with Vicky (had to wait a VERY long time >_>). I went to the movies with my mom and dad and saw Toy Story 3 and Avatar: The Last Airbender. Avatar could've been better, but Toy Story was AWESOME! I'm a little sad it's over. I spent the Fourth (my favorite holiday!) with my bestie. We had a little cookout. I wish things were different between us... Then I went to see the fireworks with the Gang.
Yeaaaaa.... after that (it's like I said, for the past two weeks -- since last Monday) thigns have been pretty boring. I used to ride my bike, but I can't anymore because it broke -__-"
And I've only gone to the Y once in the past week or so. I have no money to take the T. I'm not getting allowance for the meantime. How am I supposed to keep my membership? Better yet, how am I supposed to stay in shape for volleyball??! I'm sitting around this house doing nothing productive all day. I mean, if I can't go anywhere I could at least be reading summer reading books or finishing my application for that job or writing my college essays or reading the driver's manual or best of all, I could be making my list of colleges and visiting schools. Ugh procrastination and laziness makes one hell of a curse.
I always say that I'm going to do great things, but it never happens. I disappoint myself sometims, smh. I will change. It's inevitable, I am human. Anywho, where was I? Right, what I did today.
Today I woke up at 10:30. (I've been setting my alarm clock to around that time in the morning because waking up at noon doesn't feel good anymore. Unfortunately, I still end up sleeping at like 2 in the morning. Well, 8 hours of sleep is good enough I guess. I just have to train my body.) I took a shower, made some eggs, watched Phineas and Ferb (my favorite show!), then went on my laptop to update the songs in my library. Later around 6 I went to Sushi's place and had a little picnic and played video games haha. That was fun. Then I came back here, took a shower and started blogging :)
I wonder what I'll do tomorrow. I think I'll read a bit. There are still a bunch of things to do this summer (even if I didn't get to do the other things on my list): karaoke, Pour House, the beach, Sushi's birthday, movie/pizza party, sleepover. Plus all those other serious things of course. Right now, I'm painting my nails while listening to the CDs Sushi let me borrow. She's right, B.O.B.'s CD is nice :)
So um, I'm gonna post up the last poem I finished and them maybe those other half finished posts Inever got around to haha. Alright, nighty night!
Sorry this is so long, I promise the next update won't be so long :\

Bye blogging losers! :D
Xtina<3