BC1: Day Six

Something you hope you never have to do.

I hope I never have to... fight anyone. Like for real. I say that I'm gonna beat people up all the time, but I don't actually mean it. When I say that it either means that the person hurt me or hurt someone that I love... or that I love them, but they did something stupid. Yup. Those are really the only reasons I'd say that I'll beat someone up. But I'm a lover, not a fighter (a hopeless lover at that lol). I don't like violence. Like that fight I witnessed between Bianca and U... (I don't know her nameee >.<) on Friday. That scared the shit outta me. I was just walking up the stairs going to my locker when I noticed people arguing and then *BAM* punches getting thrown.
I'm an advocate for peace. (Well, I don't talk about it, but I try to keep the peace through my actions.) However though I've taken self defense classes and have some muscles from volleyball, I doubt I'd be able to defend myself well in a real fight.
Still, I think fighting one another is a little barbaric. I mean, it doesn't make sense. Use your words. Walk away. Again, if we all were a bit more accepting and loving, we wouldn't have to worry about these problems.

Oh, you know what? I also hope that I never have to make one of those life-threatening decisions like in Saw. And I hope I never have to hurt someone else intentionally (I guess that goes along with the fighting thing). And I hope I never have to witness a murder or a rape or a robbery or something like that. That'd be horrid. Average people like to turn their heads on the basest habits of evil men, but they exist. It's out there and it happens everyday.

Whoo. Okay, I'm done.
Until tomorrow... ♥

BC1: Day Five

Something you hope to do in your life.

You know, I would love to complete my list of things before I pass away, but let's be a bit more realistic..
Besides, that list is filled with mostly materialistic things. At the end of the day, at the end of my life, I would like to have accomplished two things. I hope to make someone cry tears of joy and I hope to be remembered long past my time for the great things I've done. That's all. Simple as that. Haha.
Who knows, maybe I've already done the first one (though I'd love to see it for myself). As for the second one, well, the sole thing humans need to survive is love (because with love, anything is possible). Everyone needs it, everyone wants it. It's nice to feel loved, but I guess I'm a bit selfish for wanting to be loved past my time haha. I'd love to know that there will be people (whether it be my descendants or my friends' descendants) who tell stories about me, people who say "Oh Christina? She changed my life." Before I die I want to know that I made an impact on someone's life, that I was a good friend, that I was there for people. So can you blame me for wanting to be more than a floating thought in people's distant memories? Something tangible would be nice (maybe a statue? lol jk), even if I never get the chance to see it.


Haha. Towards the end I was joking, but for the most part I was being serious. Those are my hopes for my life. I just want to make it meaningful. Don't we all?

Until tomorrow.
♥


P.S. Those days when I skipped, I was busy. Especially Saturday night. Yes, I went to the Winter Blackout. It was... nice :)
The whole night was cool. And I love how it ended... *blush*

BC1: Day Four

Something you have to forgive someone for.

My sister. I have to forgive her for... (I can't say that she wasn't a good sister because really, what is a good sister? And I doubt I could be any better) I have to forgive her for not showing that she loved and cared for me more. That, plus her personality, is the reason why our relationship sucks if it even exists. We're 5 years apart. And I get that while I still wanted to play with Barbies she was a teenager, growing fast and moving on to the next hobby that interested her. I get that reason why she didn't play with me, but come on. Even past those childhood years she barely tried. How can you build a relationship based on a history full of nothings?
And her personality sucks. People say we look exactly alike, but we couldn't be any more different. Granted, we have some similarities (things I probably acquired from her, like my short temper), but as a whole I'm calm and collected and she's wild and unruly. Let's say for instance she just dropped by the house for some food. What would aggravate the hell out of me would be if she complains about the food that my mom made. She'd be like "ugh, what is this?", get some food, complain while eating it, then throw away half of her plate. Like wtf? Be grateful you're getting food at all! And other little things that annoy me. Sometimes she'd tap my shoulder (so that I'd turn around and she'd act like she didn't do anything) or call my name repeatedly, which maybe is her way of trying to reach out to me, but it only makes me mad. I can't stand it. She threw my baking stuff in the trash once because she was complaining that I'd left it out too long. She warned me that she would, but I didn't take her seriously. I mean, who does that? She didn't pay for that stuff, she has NO RIGHT to touch it not to mention throw it away. She can be such a bitch. One minute she'd be joking and all happy and the next she'd be centimeters from ripping your head off. And she's constantly "borrowing" stuff without asking. Considering that she lives in Salem and doesn't give it back no matter how many times you ask her for it or remind her to bring it with her, that's very selfish. Sigh. We have no relationship. We may be blood, she may be my sister, but I don't think I could ever feel close to her.
So yes, I feel like I have to forgive her for not spending time with me when I was younger because she was a teenager handling her own problems and living her own life. And I hope one day we will be able to patch up our relationship, but it may be too late for that.
It's sad knowing that you have a blood sibling, but never being able to say that you love them.


Anywhom, that was my sob story.
Cya!

BC1: Day Three

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I have to forgive myself for not saying something when I had the chance. Because I was only in the 4th grade. I'm sure I've told this story before, but I'll summarize it for this entry's sake. In the 4th grade there was this boy Shannon (he was French) I was really good friends with. We would play during recess and we'd sit near each other sometimes. Towards the end of the year he told me he liked me and I just said "okay" and walked away. The sad part is, I liked him too. I was just too shocked to say anything else. I tried telling him the day after I just couldn't get myself to do it. That day he left for summer vacation in France early and I never got to tell him how I truly felt. I had a very heavy heart that summer. The next school year came around, stuff with a third party happened regarding secrets >_>, and I found out that he just wanted to "be friends".
Yes, so I've realized that I have to forgive myself for not speaking up. I was young and didn't know any better. Sure, it cost me a heartbreak, but I learned a great deal from it. The same goes for my other crushes. I find myself always falling for a guy even though I know it won't go anywhere and that I'll get hurt in the end. I have to forgive myself for that because I can not control my emotions. I have to realize that. I can try all I want to stay away from a guy and not have mini heart attacks whenever I have contact with him, but it pretty much never works. I just have to accept it, get over it, and learn. Much easier said than done...

But hey, one thing I've learned from all my crushes is to take risks and step outside my comfort zone sometimes. :)
I'm proud to say that I've told 2 of my past crushes that I've liked them (one way or another... but both directly). I never got to be with them and for one I was heartbroken to discover the truth, but it felt really good to let it out. One of these days I just hope that the guy will like me back hehehe.

Until tomorrow.
<3

BC1: Day 2

Something you love about yourself.

Hmmm. Yes, I love myself but I feel like listing all the things I love about myself would be a very... conceited act. And honestly, I can only think of things to say that I like about myself, not love. Let's see... (yeesh, these questions are hard).
I love my patience. Granted, I'm not very patient when it comes to children but I consider myself a very patient person. Especially when the subject is relationships. Did you know that I still have virgin lips? I've never been kissed haha.
There's this one girl I know who is ummm impatient when it comes to this subject. Now I'm not sure whether it's issues with her father in childhood or self-esteem issues, but she is always pining for a different guy. And back when I used to talk to her a lot she would always talk about some new guy in her life. And not even guys actually in her life, it would be guys she crushed on and tried desperately to get involved with through emails and facebook. I gotta hand it to her for being bold enough to do all that, but at the end of the day she'd find herself with a bookfull of poems written about different guys, crushes, that she never got to be with. I'm not like that. For the most part, I like the way my life is right now. I love my friends. I love hanging out with them. Yes, there are a few guys I like, but unfortunately I know it won't work. I know they're just crushes. I know that some day I'll find a guy worthy of my affection... and my hand (not in marriage, yet lol). I have patience when it comes to finding a boyfriend and I love it because who knows, maybe that guy, the one who steals my first kiss, will be a keeper for life. Maybe waiting makes way for a better relationship. Yes, I'll be highly inexperienced but I await those surprises with curiosity, wonder, and happiness.


One thing though, I dislike PDA lol.
Alright, cya!
♥

BC1: Day One

Something you hate about yourself.

Hate is a strong word.
And I don't hate myself. I just dislike some of my characteristics. Obvious things for instance. Being tall comes with a price and that debt is one I won't ever be freed from. I don't like my big hands or feet. But I remember this one talk I had with my mom in middle school. I was telling her how I was self-conscious about my feet and she said that if anyone ever made fun of them that I should be like "Well how do you expect me to stand up? I need big feet to support my tall body." Or something like that haha... but it really cheered me up and whenever I get self-conscious about my body, I think about that talk we had in the bathroom. :)
And I dislike that I hold grudges. And that I get annoyed easily (like if someone took something and didn't put it back in the right spot or the right way... or if my parents say something that ticks me off; I hate to yell at them but even if they meant no harm, I just flip out). And that I don't have much patience with kids, I don't know why. And that I can be selfish.
And I could go on, but I'm tired a my mom is really annoying me and I just want to go up to my room. So I'll blog another time... tomorrow!
Cya :)