When I come home to a house with no food only to have my brother buy milk and cereal for the house... which I end up eating for 3 straight meals -_-

Throwbaaaack! I used to drink these all the time as a kid.

MGMT - Electric Feel

My new jam.



And I just gotta reiterate how hot Andrew Vanwyngarden is... *swoon* ♥

B.o.B. - So Good

Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe

I've finally watched the video and it makes sense. Story of my life... lmao!

Next Crush.

So there's this guy...

No, not P. I could care less about what he does now.
And it doesn't help that my friends keep mentioning him... "Oh yea we can go on a date! I'll go with ____, Chels can go with _____, and you can go with P! :D"

-_-

Falling for a guy who's gay is not funny.


BUT ANYWAY.
There's this other guy I've seen around. The first time I saw him was in the dining commons (of course, it's always the dining commons). He was working there last Saturday morning. And we made eye contact several times...
LOL, how sad is it that I fall for the first guy to give me attention? Sigh.
He's tall and lean. Long light brown hair that falls in his face. I don't know the color of his eyes. Or if he's in a relationship. He looks like a geek pretty much. (So many times Malcolm has told me to date a geek... I guess it sort of just imprinted on me. I find them really cute haha.)

He's... good-looking in that shy sort of way. He has potential.

Today he was standing behind me in line to get an omelet :)
He wore a short sleeve plaid shirt under his jacket. And he had this really cool necklace on.
Last time I saw him he was sitting at a table with this other kid who's in my Expos class. It's safe to say that that kid, Peter, is a little socially awkward. But he's normal. Not crazy. Therefore this nameless kid that I have eyes for must be normal and nice too, right?

I wish I knew his name.

Sigh, why do I fall for the quiet ones? lol

Things seem to be getting better.

But then, it always does before things start to fall apart again. Like the eye of the storm, this is only momentary.

Or is it?

I've thought about things and I understand myself just a little bit better now. I invest lots of time and effort. I give my support and advice. I lend my ears. I can reflect and try to change all I want but I'm never going to be able to change what happens around me.

I remember when I used to want to be a humanitarian. I used to want to help people - to change the world. But now I realize that I'll never achieve that goal. Of course I want to help. But I won't ever be able to reach everyone. All I can do is be the best person I can be and give to and care for and love the people I come across in my life. I have to try to change people's lives, even in just a small way, one conversation at a time.

---

My single goal in life used to be just to be remembered, long past my death. I had this dream of a good friend of mine, old and withered, telling their grandchildren about me. About all I did and the type of person I was.

Do you think I can still achieve that goal?

Maybe not. But I hope that my spirit lives on when I pass away. I hope people will give with all their heart. I hope the world will be a better place...

In the end, all I can do is keep doing what I'm doing. Be there. And hope for the best.

Everything will be okay in the end; and if it's not okay, it's not the end.

I think I need to do some soul searching. I don't quite understand why these things bother me, but I'd like to nip it. Zennnn!

Sigh, what am I doing with my life?

The Wanted - Glad You Came

Awolnation - Not Your Fault

New Slate

I'm trying to start over. None of that dramaful past anymore. Now I'll just go with the flow and let it be :)

McGrath's "The Pleasures of the Text"

Just a quote from an article I'm reading in Expos...

Text messages... "They're little electronic waves and nods that, just like real waves and nods, aren't meant to do much more than establish a connection - or disconnection, as the case may be - without getting into specifics."

So true. My friend gave up texting for Lent last year, I wonder if I'd be able to do that. Hmmm.

Hugh Greenwood

Hugh Greenwood. Freshman on New Mexico's college baketball team. Originally from Australia. Over six feet tall. Sexy hair. Just the way I like 'em... lol <3

Vacation's Almost Over.

And it didn't really go as planned.

It's been a bleak couple of days. Where's the sun?
When will this get better?

Someone tell me why I keep waking up in the middle of the night.

:(

Calvin Harris - Feel So Close

First time I heard this I thought it was "ehh." Now that I've heard it a couple times though, it's actually grown on me... damn lol.

:)

New Hampshire

Oh yea, and this is like one of the only bits of evidence I have that shows I was actually in New Hampshire for three days. I went with my roommate Chelsea and our friend Vicki to Vicki's Grandma's house. It was fun other than the fact that Vicki got some sort of food poisoning and was throwing up all Monday night/Tuesday morning, and that I started getting sick Tuesday. I've never been to New Hampshire before so it was cool seeing all the mountains. Her Grandma lived in a house right next to a lake in a bunch of private property. (A lot of rich people lived there. Vicki showed us all the multimillion dollar houses.) We made meals for her Grandma and it was fun because one, the food was good and two, it was interesting to see the differences between how white people prepare their food and how my family prepares their food lol. All in all though it's such a dead state. I would never live there. Though I will be sure to visit again over the summer because apparently it's so much more fun :)
On the last day, Wednesday, we made chocolate chip cookies and right before we left her Grandma gave me some oils and paintbrushes and easels to get me started painting. She's so sweet. <3

Feels Like Death

I'm sick.

My nose is stuffy and it keeps running and my throat is itchy and I'm coughing and sneezing and I just feel like shit.

Despite all that, I went out with my friend from the FSU volleyball team this morning to some breakfast place in Newton. Good food.
Then we went back to her house and it may have been her new kittens but my cold got worse so after a while I said that I should go home.

And now I'm here at home in sweats feeling miserable about to catch up on some Skins episodes because I have nothing better to do haha.

I hope this goes away soon! :(

Sweet Dreams

I just woke up from the best dream featuring Brian Puspos (and some other tall attractive Asian guy)!! <3

We uhh... had some of fun :)

But the weird part about it was that there were vampires around and I got bit and we were biting each other and it was just strange. But I enjoyed it very much. I'm pleased with my unconscious state of mind lol.

Mothafuckinpieceofshit!

Damn Hulu gave me the Facebook timeline! What the hell is that?! >:O Fuck it, I'm going back to Myspace.

Akira Yoshizawa

This is one amazing man.. Today would be his 101's birthday :)
I would love to check out one of his origami books!

Can you believe he died on his birthday? Crazy...

Today I ate McDonalds for the first time in over a year. Against my will but a girl's got to eat :(

"We'll always be best friends because you know too much."

Hahaha... This made me laugh and then I frowned.

"Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation, had to get away..."

I keep fucking up. Now I just don't want to be here anymore. Too bad I'm already in NH..

Night

At night the sky looks amazing. I'm able to see the stars so much better nowadays. Probably just a sign of the upcoming good weather, but when I look up into that dark sky I could just sit outside for hours staring at those twinkling little dots. In a way it makes me feel small, for I'm just one speck on the face of one planet in this huge galaxy. But at the same time those stars make me want so much more. For my life, my friends, my family. They make me want to get out there and explore. They make me want to break free from this house and see the world.

I long to be out there with those stars. But how can that happen when I'm still stuck here.

Written in the Stars

...right?

Recently.

Pro: Today my friends and I went to the mall - an event I planned so that we could all hang out together.

Con: I spent a lot of money on unnecessary stuff.

Pro: I got my favorite perfume from Victoria's Secret (along with some others), a slice of my favorite cake from the Cheesecake Factory, and a copy of my favorite movie Spirited Away.
(Owning a copy is actually on my bucket list so... CHECK!!!)

Con: I don't know if I'll have enough money to go shopping for a new wardrobe with YMS in the upcoming weekend! D:

Pro: Part of the money I've spent recently went to the Invisible Children charity :)

Con: At the end of our shopping trip my friends left in a cab and abandoned me at the mall... Luckily two of them had come in a car so they picked me up. But still... -_-

Pro: Once I finish this essay for Expos, study for Bio, and read for Anthro, I will be 3 hours of classes away from Spring Break.

Con: I'm not excited about my plans for Spring Break anymore.

Pro: I got invited to Lizzzzzzz's fashion show at school! ♥

Con: Her older sister, my best friend, has not talked to me since Monday.

I'm just... ehh, not in the best mood. It may be my way of trying to forgive my friends for leaving me, but I feel... numb, like I have no emotion at all. I want to leave school.. but I still don't want to go home. I'm stuck, sigh.

On the bright side, I'm starting to make more friendship bracelets. I'm working on this watermelon one right now, it's pretty freaking awesome :)

Regina Spektor - All The Rowboats

All The Rowboats by reginaspektor

Click the link for an eargasm :)

Sometimes I really hate myself for the things I do...

Love Guru

I think it's hilarious how my friends come to me for relationship advise when I'm the one who's still yet to be in a relationship. I guess I'm the level-headed person they want to talk to when wild emotions are running everything else...

I feel like no one understands me... And this lonely feeling makes me wanna break down and cry. Which I did.. in a bathroom here not too long ago.

I'm starting to find that I really truly fucking hate my hometown. I HATE IT HERE.
These people, these streets. I just want to get away from it all.

Linkin Park - Waiting for the End

Waiting for the end to come, wishing I had strength to stand, this is not what I had planned...

FUCK you guys! When Friday arrives and spring break starts don't bother calling. I'm not coming home. Fucking assholes...

Alone.

When I'm pissed and upset and just wanna scream (like now), and when I can't talk to my best friend or my brother... what do I do?

Fuck you, Framingham!

Fuck you, Framingham! I should be sleeping in my warm bed, not going to this bullshit 2-hour class at 8 in the morning >:[