I fucked it up.

Why do I always mess this up? Why can't I just be friends with a guy? I sent a text and may have lost a good friendship because of it. Why did I have to confess and tell him my feelings? :(
Why couldn't I just let it go?
Stupid stupid stupiiiiid.
Now he's avoiding me.
Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid
I could've just held it in and not said anything and gotten crushed by my crush, as usual.
But I didn't.
And now I think I've lost a friendship. Great.

But that's how I learn, right?
Next time I know not to overthink things and just hold back my feelings and never let the guy know how much I really like him. Now I know.
Rule one in relationships: Keep your trap shut.

If I were being completely honest...

I'd say that I'm not okay with her hanging out with him. I named my teddy bear after him, for God's sake! She should know that when I say I'm over him, I'm really not. I'm not comfortable with them hanging out. And I realized not too long ago that probably the only reason why he's been acknowledging my existence more now is because he wants to get closer to her.
She's gorgeous, no doubt about it. I can try to boost up my self-esteem and say that I'm not so bad-looking myself, but let's be real. I'm nothing compared to her. None of the guys I like ever pay me any mind. Not her, she could literally have any guy she wants. But she wants him. Funny, because not too long ago she said that she was over her little crush on him, that he's not attractive at all. That was before when she had a boyfriend. And now? Well, now she's on the lookout for a new guy. Or maybe a play toy, I don't know. I'm not comfortable with it.

But you know what? After that incident two Thursdays ago I'm not that close to her anyway. So I don't care. I'm okay with it, with them. I'm fine, really.

Winter Break

While my siblings go out clubbing, my mom spends her night in church, and my dad sleeps the night away, I'll be in the kitchen making up for all the time lost in my kitchen-less dorm in Framingham. Two pasta meals, chocochip cookies, and cupcakes. And of course I'll be making some sugar cookies on Christmas eve :D At least I'm keeping busy so it doesn't seem so sad that I'm spending my Saturday night doing... nothing... with no one. Yay!

My Friday Night

My first night back from school will be spent curled up on the couch reading a good book next to the very pretty Christmas tree. I got Darius and a popcorn snack, what more could I need? #sadsociallife

Profession

You know what I'm really good at?

Procrastination.

There should be a profession for that. I'd be perfect for it...

If only I could write my essays as easily as I did the posts on my blog.

 I'd be writing 10 page papers with no problem. I'd be getting straight A's. Can I major in My Life?
Please?

Ugly

I think I shall be an old, ugly hag for Halloween tonight.. A costume to match my mood. Perfect, right?!

New Bracelet

I've finished yet another one!  Wooo! I have like 5 other patterns saved to do later haha. They're just so pretty, I can't help myself. Also, I'm working tomorrow. After an hour of listening to all the commercials on the radio, I've finally realized why they called me in to work an extra 5 hours... tax-free weekend. Oh no. They're gonna be swarmed with people. I'm having bad flashbacks of when I worked at Macy's the few days before Christmas... *shivers* Wish me luck, all. Hopefully I come back alive, in one piece... T_T

How I Met Your Mother

I've been watching this show for the past couple of weeks now and I'm surprised that it's so good! I'm in the second season now and there have been a couple episodes that I couldn't stop laughing at. Season 2, episodes 5 ("World's Greatest Couple") and 16 ("Stuff") are my absolute favorites so far.

No wonder it's been going on for seven seasons now, it's so funny! Neil Patrick Harris, of course, has a huge part in that. He basically makes the show :) He's an amazing actor too, I never would've guessed he was gay had I not read it online previously.

So, today hasn't been legendary, but it was pretty fun. I drove around with my Mom for more than an hour and she barely yelled at me! She even let me drive her, her friend, and my Grandmama to go visit my Grandpa. I think she's starting to trust me in her car haha. She said that all I need to do now is practice parallel parking and I'll be all set for the driver's test to get my license. True story.
I didn't suit up, but I did wear this

White bedazzled BEBE tank, plaid vest, mini cargo shorts (Victoria's Secret), and silver hoop earrings.

While leaving PriceRite with my Mom I saw someone I went to middle school with working there! Talk about blast from the past...
For those of you who don't really know me, I love candy. For some reason I've been on this sugar craze lately so I've been buying and eating lots of candy. It's probably not the best for my teeth or health in general, but whatevs. I plan on working it all off by riding my bike or jogging or something later. I got a bag of these guys today

I have no idea what makes them have more of a pretzel taste, but they taste great anyway. They're probably my favorite out of the whole M&M's brand.

Oh, I hung out with my babies today too. More like watched over them while they snacked on the grass in the lawn...

My guinea pigs. Pancake on the left and Puff on the right.

And one last thing. I found out who my new roommate is! She lives like 10 minutes away from me! Hopefully we can meet up and get to know each other before school starts. The only thing is... I think she's a freshman. Technically I'm in that category too because I didn't get credits for some of my classes, but I think it'll be fun. I can show her around and stuff :)

And that's all in a day of being Cjoe. I'm filled with awesomeness, I know. It's really hard to contain it all when I write these posts haha.

Tenue du Jour

Teehee! I had fun with this.

My new Victoria Secret's bra inspired me for this outfit haha.
Black racer-back tee with lace detail, grey 'for those about to rock' scoop tee, white lace mini skirt, black peep-toe pumps, hot&gold beaded bracelet.

I would look so much less awkward if I weren't taking these pictures around my house with my cell phone camera... Anyone willing to be my photographer for free? c: I'll pay you with cookies and love, all you have to do is be here any instant I need you.

"Maybe I'm depressed that I got a job."

I went to an interview at Staples today. I got called in randomly a few days ago. And... I got the job! The manager who interviewed me was super nice. He'd been working not only as a manager in retail, but also with the Staples company for a while so he had connections. He said that if I was good enough he could call up the manager over at the Framingham store and get me a part time job there during the school year. How awesome is that?
I mean, I had pretty much given up. I don't remember how many resumes I handed out, not to mention how many applications I filled out online.. And to be honest I'd gotten in the mind frame that I'd get to chillax for the rest of the summer, but by the graciousness of a good, determined friend and by pure chance I got the job. Woo!

But after the interview I'd wanted to attempt to give the gift. I wrapped it up all nice and found a bag for it, except when I got there there was no answer. I felt stupid and rejected. There was nowhere I could leave it so I had to take it back home with me. When I got home I was sweaty and depressed. I got a blanket and just sat out in the yard staring up at the sky.

Look at my fugly face, the view from where I lay, and my new uniform!

My mom commented on the fact that I looked depressed and said that I should be happy, to which I replied, "Maybe I'm depressed that I got a job". We both had a laugh about that.

I feel better now but I just wish I had given that gift. "F you" is not a proper parting at all. It leaves me.. unsettled.

Nice.

I knew people probably wouldn't hire me since I'd only be working for less than 2 months. And here my mom's blaming it on the outfit I chose to wear. Because nothing I ever do is right, right? -_-

I'm taking my permit test today, let's hope I don't waste another $30.

Schnazzy!

White denim skirt, pea green(?) tank, beige cardigan with brown trim, brown bag, pearl earrings.

My dad's cardigan and a purse that I found in the back of my mom's closet. I only went out to get supplies for the upcoming YMS event earlier but I looked good. The mirror I took it in has spots on it though, gross...

In other news...

I've been going vegetarian on and off these past few weeks but starting this week I hope to be back on track. I started the day off with a lovely fruit salad. Hopefully I'll stick to it this time. Do it for the animals, Christina! Do it for the Earth!

Also, umm... this weather? Sucks. It's blistering hot one day then it's raining cats and dogs the next. Sometimes I can't stand Boston weather..

Well, I'm going job hunting with my good friend Tiffany tomorrow. Wish us luck! And let's hope I wake up on time too haha.

My mom's prayers may have worked just yet.

Not too long ago I got called in for an interview at Sugar Baking Co.! YES!

Men Are Pigs

This afternoon I left Honey Bee's house to go home. I slept over two nights in a row and technically I haven't been home since Friday afternoon. Even though I'd showered and everything, I still felt.. dirty. It was a combination of not wearing any deodorant, having to wear the same clothes I'd come over in, and a few other things that I'd usually would have done at home. Anyway, as I was walking to the train station I already felt like I was doing the walk of shame (hooking up with someone and leaving the next morning) so when some dude across the street in his car slows down to call "yo!" and me and blow me a kiss, I felt even worse.

I absolutely hate it when guys call at me  or stare at me like I'm a fucking animal or a piece of meat. Do they really think they can get a girl that way?

Instead of taking the bus I walked from the train station to my house and 3 or 4 other guys in cars stopped to call at me or stare at me or honk their horns at me. I was sweaty and annoyed and just wanted to go home. A block away from my house a car full of fat guys stopped by me to ask a question I didn't bother waiting to hear. Was it the bright Victoria's Secret bag I was holding that made me an easy target? I didn't feel pretty and when any guy does something like that it makes me feel almost ashamed - definitely not attractive.

Sigh, the only guys that give me any sort of attention are gross old pervs. And sooner or later those guys my age will grow older and probably start acting like those same gross pervs. Just to continue the cycle of douchebaggery.
Which makes me start to think that all guys are pigs. Or most.

I should just give up on the male race and be a lesbian. -_-

My sleep schedule is officially messed up.

I've joined the dark side... And by the dark side I mean the nocturnals.

I am an owl now. Look into my eyes.....

You know you've hit bottom when you find yourself digging through your recycle bin in the middle of the night using a plastic bag as a makeshift glove to find redeemable cans to make some money... smh.
I think there's something wrong with me.

I feel... dirty :(

BEING BROKE SUCKS ASS!

I just found out today (while I was surfing the web, of course...) that two of my favorite bands will be performing in Boston and I can't even go -_- Well, you sort of have to win a seat to get into one, but I don't have money to buy a ticket for the other one. At this point, I think the world hates me.

Temper Trap is going to be having a private session at the MFA on June 7th. I almost pooped my pants when I saw it..
http://wfnx.com/contests/mfasessions

And Paper Route is doing a show with two other bands I've never heard of at some place in Allston (close enough to Boston IMO) on June 20th. How often do they come out to the east coast? Like never. And I love their music.
Check it out on TicketWeb - Canon Blue / Paper Route / Halfnoise at Great Scott on Wed Jun 20 2012

I'm so upset. Why didn't I just save my moneyyyyyy?! D:

How To Heal The World

If everyone had a little bit of chocolate with breakfast each morning, the world would be a better place. Guaranteed.