And it really doesn't feel like it at all. There's no joy or happiness in this whole process. It feels like I've just been buying gifts and going through the motions. My heart's not in it. In any of it. What am I doing? Why do I keep feeling this way? Listless and without a drive. It's like there's no meaning to my life anymore, I'm not doing anything. There's no point. I just feel sort of.. empty, like I'm not really here.