Saturday, July 23, 2011


I'm having a good time and all but when I'm alone in the room without any close family members I feel so out of place. It's times like those when I don't have a translator, when I feel like an outsider among my own people. That's when reality hits me in the face and I'm forced to face true hardships, authentic... loneliness. It has just now occured to me that I see but I don't understand. I can see all these crumbled buildings and honestly not feel a thing, it's horrible. Just like how I noticed all that weight Star lost but it didn't occur to me that she could have some serious health problems. This trip is a rude wakening. From this I hope to learn not to take things for granted, a lesson everyone should learn and heed, but no one ever does.

Monday, July 18, 2011


(Don't mind that cleavage behind me in the pic hahaha.)
I friggs LOVE this necklace! ♥
Too bad it costs $40... and that's why I dislike EXPRESS lol.

Love comes unexpectedly.

But if it happens to come to an end, don't be sad. Be glad that it happened.

"Love hurts when you do it right, you can cry when you get older." --Robyn

Saturday, July 16, 2011

I want my sailor hat, dammit!

"It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice."

Honey Bee

When I got to your house I found out that you didn't want me to come over. And I saw you in a state of despair: face red, tired eyes, fetal position, headphones in to drown out the world. But of course I stayed. I wouldn't dare leave you when I know you're hurting.
I listened to your thoughts and told you mine. I ended up spending hours with you. And it was all completely worth while because in the end I got to hear you laugh. I'm glad because at the very least I helped bring a smile to your face.

I couldn't have spent my day any better.

I realized today that boys don't approach me because I'm "too tall".

Lovely news.... -_-
At least now I know lol!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Fighting sadness is hard to do when you're so lonely.

Yup, I said it. I'm sorta lonely. All this crap with my family is making me really anxious, but I have no one to talk to. (She said she needed time..)
Still, even if I was talking to someone I wouldn't talk about my problems. (And I wouldn't want to hear about their problems either because when I try to help I relate it to my life and I don't want to think about that right now...)
I just need a distraction, I think. Yeah, a distraction would be nice.
I need a boyfriend lmao.

Weird thing is, I've heard that too many times. (More than once is too many.)

And I just realized that none of those thoughts make sense together... o_o
Maybe I just need some sleep.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

And so my father drives another child out of his life.

But hey, at least he still has my sister Jessica Joseph! There's one that he'll never let go of.

Today was ridiculous. It was as if I picked up one relationship and just dropped another. Except.. my father was the one who dropped me.

Monday, July 4, 2011

My father is so fucking unbearable! Nothing will ever get into that hard-headed skull of his. >_>

Sunday, July 3, 2011

You'll Be Okay.

In my Eyes -- Robyn

Damn, every song on her album relates to my life somehow. I love it.

Eff it.

After an amazing time at the beach with some of my friends, I'm shocked to find that my mood can can so easily be altered by Malcolm's return from his vacation in Mexico. Right now I'm frustrated, upset, and just plain done with everything. I don't know why, but he can anger me sooooo easily. My parents and other matters aren't helping either, sigh.

However upon logging into Facebook I saw that my friend liked one of my notes, a poem I found online about best friends. Reading over it made me smile. Thinking about it later made me frown.

Best Friend
A poem by Medhia

Someone I can talk to
Someone I can trust.
Someone who will be there
When my relationships rust.

Someone who will save me,
When everything goes wrong.
Someone who will comfort me
And help me to be strong.

Someone who listens
At any time of day.
Someone who will brighten
Any sky that’s gray.

Someone who will always
Want to be my friend.
Someone who will fight for me,
Until the bitter end.

Someone who will cry with me
Whenever I am sad.
Someone who will laugh with me
Whenever I am glad.

Someone who will understand
My every weird emotion.
Someone who will always be
At my side with their devotion.

Someone who will always think
Of me before themselves.
Someone who will care for me
And put their own worries onto shelves.

Someone who will always let
Me act like the true me.
Someone who will always be
Just like I want to be

Someone who will always remain
Incredibly beautiful and true-
Someone who is my best friend.
Someone just like you.

Sweet, right?
I thought so.

Saturday, July 2, 2011


Love Kills -- Robyn

Not one of her better songs, but it matches the mood of the moment.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Why is it that wilted, dead roses look a lot better than exuberant, lively ones? I think roses are so.. cliché. I don't really like them. Sure, their petals are nice and they actually smell good. But I like them a lot better dead lol. They have more character, more shades, more textures. It's lovely :) Plus, compared to other dying flowers (say, tulips, my favorite flower) they age beautifully (meaning they don't have mold or gross fungus growing on them).


You know how when something great comes along you have the time of your life and you feel awesome and sure of yourself? Well sometimes, coming down from that high, instead of a gentle descent back to normal things take a turn for the worst and I find myself falling into... falling toward... depression (yes, sometimes it gets that bad). I just feel really down for some reason that can't be explained in words. Or rather, I don't want to explain it out of fear of being judged or cast aside. I just wallow in its depths until it passes or until something else happens to cheer me up.
The worst part about getting depressed though is that I start doubting everything, my friends, my actions, my life. I just want to be sure again.