Thursday, March 31, 2011

Rather Than Writing My Essay...

I wrote this in the car on the way to NY. It came out to be about 7 handwritten pages. Nice. It's a very long, detailed update.

So as I've said before, this week is very busy. Let me start with yesterday. I woke up late. I got in trouble. Another month added. Yay -_-
I told the stupid boy... Z that I'd find him and give him a hug because well, he got his heart crushed again and my natural instinct for consoling people is to give them a hug. So there's that but I also just really wanted to give him a hug. My boyfriend should give amazing hugs, ones that make me never want to let go... not that Z's my boyfriend or that I want him to be. But yea, since I woke up an hour late I texted him and told him I wouldn't be able to give him one in the morning. He replied saying it's okay and that I'm a senior, I should take the day off. HA! He obviously doesn't understand that my parents are nuts. But Malcolm ended up giving me a ride and I happened to see him in the halls a few times, meaning more than one hug! ^_^ I also made a shoe of checking his arms since he said I might find a new more marks. That really worries me. I've already given him my thoughts on his whole situation, a speech, really. I've known two of my close friends to cut before and both times it really worried me. Harming your body is never an answer. "Treat your body like a temple," that's how I roll. Not only is cutting dangerous, but it's also a sign of depression and I'd hate to know that a friend of mine is depressed.
Anyway... yesterday night Z and I were talking on AIM and we ended up switching to a webchat online (webcam chat? whatever it's called) because we were trying to figure out precalc homework. (He's in the Ms. Bradeen's class too.) In the end neither of is knew how to do it and we gave up lol. So we just... talked and around midnight when I found out he was intensely AIMing with some little girl I logged off. Smh. That pedo. He honestly has a thing for younger girls. It's both creepy and disappointing :\
I quietly ran around the house (so as not to wake up my dad because my laptop was supposed to be off at 10 haha) tryna get stuff together for the scholarship that was due today. But at the same time I was talking Vicky - um, I mean Honey Bee :) It was... difficult at fist. It was around the time she started asking me about the "stupid boy" when I realized I don't tell her anything (my thoughts) and she said that's the reason why she doesn't tell me anything. I thought I've gone over it enough in my blog to be understood that I'm a listener, not a talker; that I'm quiet because I feel like my life is sorta boring. There's nothing to say. And even if there was, like if I were mad about something, I would probably just blog it and get over it. I wouldn't talk about it because I'd get over it quickly. I usually don't stay upset for very long. But I should know that real life, real relationships, friendships, are completely different from a blog online. There's two-way communication that needs to happen in real life. So with great difficulty I told her who the "stupid boy" is. I told her about my dilemma with giving him hints on who the girl that likes him is. She said that I should just tell him. When I pointed out how hard it was for me to tell her who the guy was she said that that I'm not being true with myself at all (or something along the lines of that). I told her it's because I don't like the truth.
I mentioned in one of my last blogs how I feel like it won't work and how I'm partially scared of rejection. I mean, when have I ever flat out told a guy I liked them - to their face? Right. Never. I can come up with a hundred excuses but in the end I think it's based off my being scared. Of what, you ask? I'm not sure myself. These are just theories on why I do the things I do. And I;m supposed to be the one who knows most about myself HAHAHAHA. I don't know what I'm doing, I just go with the flow. Ultimately I'm just trying to live life as happily as I can.
Anyway, moving on...
This morning I got to school on time :) But I didn't have time to eat breakfast. And there wasn't any food to pack for a lunch either :(
I went to school in silence . I only started talking when I saw Z at his locker outside my homeroom.. I gave him a hug as he asked how I was. Tired, of course. I've been tired all week. I'm just not a morning person at all. Butyea, after deliberation what Vicky told me the night before, I decided to get it over with and just tell Z. Or at least send better signals. So I gave him a few more hints: her hair's not short but it's not really long either, she goes to BLA, you talk to her. Then he asked me what her ethnicity was and I just walked away smiling, shaking my head. He won't heat that from me yet.
The day went by... I don't know. It just went by. I made some new origami, a seahorse, a seal, and a turtle. I had to run around and do 10 things at once: get my community service hours from a few teachers, get both recommendation letters for that scholarship, edit and print my essay, make signs for the guys' game,get help with precalc, etc. Lexy wasn't in school so history, lunch, and study ere lameeeeeeeeee (though it's always nice talking to Tiff<3). I doubt it's nothing serious, but we haven't talked or visited each other in a while. We need to fix that. Come english class last period I was ready to drop dead. We were "working" on our research papers.I still haven't finished reading my book. Yikes. That rough draft ain't lookin too good. I hope to get some reading done here in the car...
Afterschool I had to run around a lot. There was the TTT meeting that didn't really happen (thought 2 of my recruits came - NICE! >:D ), then I had to finish the scholarship, which I ended up leaving a part of blank, and I got markers and colored pencils and got Alex to finish the signs I started (Vthong joined and made a few signs herself, woot!). Finally I left for Grove Hall to myself some food and donuts (and a drink for PowPow). On my way back getting a drink at Walgreens CJ (the junior)... talked to me? He sorta purposely stopped in front of me and smiled as I was getting a drink from the fridge. Then as I was waiting in line he came up close behind me and said something in my ear. I don't remember what it was, but I replied with a "I don't know you!" He was like"You're a senior right?" And I said "Yea, but I don't know you like that. You can't just sneak up behind me like that." Then he made another "joke" as I almost forgot PowPow's drink as I left. I didn't laugh, but I must admit that I really like his smile... I've heard from Izzy that he's a douche. And I figure that if he hangs out with Tobi and the "Runners" then he must be. But that doesn't change the fact that his smile's dazzling lol.
So I got back, passed with Honey, Duy, and Thinh, then finally got to eat my food after not eating anything all morning. I gotta say that chicken and brocolli wrap was NOT worth the money I paid for it -.- It was a little dry but it was good, aside from the food it left in my teeth... I sat next to Victor. I noticed that he sat next to me the two days before too. Our relationship is odd lol. He reminds me a lot of a less annoying Byron. And in the few times we've been around each other I ended up doing something bad to him (hitting him, dropping his chips, etc.) --by accident, of course! He's an interesting little tall eighth grader. He's nearly my height o_o
I imagine he sits near me cuz I'm a senior. Seniors = cool lol. I mean, that's what I did when the old seniors were around, they were awesome. That just makes me wonder... which senior am I most like? O f course, that's not an accurate question; we're all different in our own ways. Anyway, Victor and I switched off doing line judging. And I realized that the kid can't stay still for the life of him xD
I moved around sitting with Honey and the varsity guys, and sitting behind the score keepers Vdaught, Kathy, Jenny, PowPow, and Xuong, and sitting with JV and Kinners and Jose (next to Z (: ). Fun stuff, sitting with those guys haha. I told people that I was doing line judging so I could bag myself a tall, cute Cambridge varsity boy ;) LOL preferably number 15, eventhough he's really skinny (actually most of them were; I guess that's just how all tall white guys look hehehe).
To sum up the game, varsity lost. Kyle got injured. Z subbed for him. Out of 5 sets we lost the last set and point to Z's blocking mistake, how unlucky! :( Chup fell and got a bruise, shis wincing worried me a lot. But after the game I found a heart shaped bruise on his knee and outlined it ^^ <3 While warming up for JV's game I got hit in the uterus by Robert's serve, then again like 10 seconds later on the head by Duy's serve. Again, how unlucky! lol I guess I'm not having kids lmao. Still, it was fun. I had a good time.
But that's the time my mom called yelling at me because apparently I was supposed to be home by 4 so we could leave for New York at 5ish. Either I didn't know or I forgot. So I got upset cuz she was threatening not to go at all and she wasn't gonna pick me up. Savage and Byron continued that sexist sandwich joke and I was NOT in the mood. Luckily Honey had my back and told them to cool it. I left without giving any personal goodbyes (though I would've LOVED to give Vicky and Z a hug and tell Qui I was leaving...). I went out to the bus stop, looked at the snow and let a few tears fall. I was frustrated and having to get home fast in flats wasn't helping the situation. The bus took a while, but when I finally got on the 28 and moved to the back these outrageously loud, obnoxious, and ignorant teens were talking about me. Even though I had my sound-canceling earphones in I still heard someone saying "DAYUMMMM she's tall... she has man feet/shoes" and some other stupid shit like that. (If I could hear them through my earphones then they must've been really loud. People kept looking back at them.) I was absolutely NOT gonna cry infront of those assholes so I sucked it up and turned my music up. I'd be damned if people, strangers like them would ruin my day! Still, it's funny how I could cry about being frustrated, but not for heaving people talk shit about me. Is that a good thing?
I missed my bus at Mattapan Station so I walked. And I ended up running halfway home. In the snow. With flats on. The first thing my dad asked me when I got home was "Are you supposed to be going out?" When I answered I don't know he said "No, exactly. That's one more week." I was exhausted, wet, and pissed off so I blew it off. Honestly, once I graduate I won't give a damn about what he says, I won't listen. I'm tired of his stupid rules and punishments. I'm almost sure I wanna go to RIT now. Rochester is far away from all this bullshit. I think that's what I need.
I got all my stuff packed in a hurry making a mess of my room then just when I thought we were all ready to leave I got in a huge fight with my parents (my dad, really). And by huge I mean I slammed stuff around and he got in my face. I cried in the shower, for real this time. Then I sat in the kitchen waiting for them to be finished, still fuming. Meanwhile I wrote on Z's wall on facebook. We talked about the game and how even though we were supposed to webchat again and do homework, I can't cuz well, I'm in a car going to New York with no way of getting online. Just my music. But yea, then I gave him a few more hints: she's not in your grade and she's not asian. By answering with ".............................." I assume he gets that it could be/is me. But he still wants to know her ethnicity lol. I guess he wants to be sure. Too bad we left home and my access to wi-fi before I could answer lmao. Malcolm came home before I left, saw my status on facebook, and tried to cheer me up :) I'll try to stay positive, take pics, and play the "how many black people are there" game just for him :3
So now I'm in the car in the back seat just writing. It's 11:30 and I can't wait to get out of this car haha. I'm sad I'm gonna miss the game tomorrow and saturday, but I think I need a break (though running around visiting colleges is hardly a break). Btw, me and a few other varsity girls are pretty peeved that JV ordered and got their own jackets. Right after I send a message on facebook about ordering jackets too. How could they go behind our backs like that? :( But yea, now when we get jackets they'll specifically be for varsity >:P
Alright, I think I'm all written out. I'm gonna try to read that book for my paper. Though honestly I don't know how I wrote that last sentence cuz I spaced out. I might just fall asleep. Ir make origami... more likely just sleep lmao.
Bye! :D

P.S. I'd like to thank Vicky for staying today. I'm sure she didn't stay for me but it was nice to see her and catch up :) I missed her. you babe! I want my own D.C. cherry blossom pic please :3
Honey Bee. Star. Victoria.

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