Sunday, March 20, 2011

Is It Ever Gonna Be Enough?

So I was having a great day today. But when I came home. I don't know. Things sort of took a turn for the worse. Here's a list of some of my frustrations:
  • My parents. I know I'm their baby girl and I'll always be that to them, but they have to let me go sooner or later... I worry that I'm always gonna be called back home for curfew or something. It's nice to know they care but I hate feeling like I'm gonna get in trouble everytime they call. I'm eighteen. And what about when I go to college? What if I have to stay at home and commute to school? Gross.
  • Right when she started talking to me again I feel like I offended her in some way. But I was just being honest...
  • It sucks when you realize that someone knows more about your life than you do about theirs. But I've said it before. "Ask me a question about yourself. I may not know the answer, but I'd still like to say that I know you. I feel you." You've told me enough that I know how you feel. And doesn't that say something? ... Yea. It still doesn't make up for the fact that I feel like crap cuz I don't know your favorite color. :[
  • I realized tonight that we talk about the same things. Or we end up talking about the same things. And it sucks cuz for all the things that I've told you every single time, nothing changed. What else can I do but keep trying?
  • Some stupid little girl crushed his heart. On his birthday. Instead of lying to him and giving him a pity date why couldn't you just tell him the truth? Why couldn't you just be straightforward? He's crushed and I can't do anything about it. I could tell him to just wait and the right girl will come your way, that he doesn't have to sweat at the gym every single day to feel good enough for girls, but what good would it do? Just like Star it wouldn't make much of a difference cuz he already has his mind set one way. Even if I told him that I'm in the same boat, literally right next to him in the same situation, it wouldn't matter. Why do people think they need a partner to happy?
  • Oh yea, and Malcolm ate half my s'mores cupcake. Thanks -_-
Somehow all those things just dampened my night. Even when I tried eating sweets to cheer me up, it didn't work... but I assume that's a result of all that chocolate we (YMS) ate tonight. Speaking of YMS, if we do plan a trip to Florida how could I possibly come up with $850? I don't like planes like AT ALL. And I assume my parents wouldn't like me going half-way across the country for two weeks with friends/people they barely know, but still it sounds fun. It's easy for other people because they get money from their parents whenever they want, but my parents struggle for every dollar they earn. Maybe this is what my sister was talking about when she commented on my poem about money. Money fucks up everything. If I start saving now AND I get a job AND I fundraise, maybe, just maybe I'll get to go. And that'll be like the epitome of my high school career, going out of the state with friends :]
I just gotta think frugal >:|

Shit. Life is hard. And it's completely unfair. But if I've made it this far... it's only a matter of time, right?


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