Netflix on a Sunday Night

Just finished watching An American Crime. And now I'm watching The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. Why am I watching these depressing movies? Sigh..

Depressing Thought of the Day

One day, I will have to watch as someone buries my dear parents or my brother or my dear friend. And I won't be able to do anything about it. The world won't stop, life will continue on. One day I will lose those I love most. Looking at how my parents age every day is yet another reminder of how dispensable each one of our lives really are. I am yet a grain of sand on the beach of the universe - minuscule, overlooked, unimportant. My life (and my death) essentially means nothing.

~~~~

Then, there's an up side to this too.
Without each single grain, there would be no beautiful beach of a universe. Each life is exactly so important because it adds to the rich plethora of moments and feelings and relationships that make up life.
There's a purpose for each one of our lives, no matter how bad they seem at the moment.
I just haven't found the reason for mine yet.
But I will.


Optimism. I will stay positive.
For me, 2013 officially starts tomorrow. I have something to look forward to: being reunited with Johnny, even if for a short time. I will have a good time and come back refreshed. In this new chapter of my life I will not chase Jay anymore - or any other guy for that matter. I will not let the sadness stick to me. I will live more, laugh more, and just be me.

So, in a way, I guess you could say that my resolution is to be happier. And it all starts tomorrow.
See you in a week! :)

But.. At the end of the day guns don't kill people, people kill people. The world is a fucked up place and honestly, the only thing that stops something as simple as a stone from being a weapon is the person holding it.

Old Post Two

Just an old post from 8/8/11 I never finished until tonight lol.

Having dealt with a funeral recently (the person wasn't that close to me, thank goodness, but it was still very sad)... I would like to put the FUN in my funeral! :D lol just kidding. In the unfortunate event that my life gets taken away from me before my time I have a few specific ideas about how I would like my funeral. I'm hoping that someone finds this and tells my family if something ever does happen.
First of all, I don't want to be buried. I would like to be cremated. And if possible, I'd like my ashes to be spread into the sea so I can travel the world (something I've always wanted to do) in my afterlife :)
Secondly, I'm sure my family will have a wake. During the wake I would like the songs "In the Arms of an Angel" and "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLaughlin to be played. I actually don't like listening to either of those songs because they bring up bad memories haha, but at my funeral I'm sure they'll soothe some people. Sarah has quite a lovely voice, I must admit.
Third, I request that my immediate family wears white instead of black. My extended family is welcome to do the same. Black is such a depressing color. Wear white! Don't mourn me, be proud of the life that I've lived, honor it.
Fourth, I don't want any roses at the wake. I just think they're so... cliche. I do like the fact that they last a lot longer than any other flower, but I don't prefer them. Find some orange flowers if you can please!

And I think that's pretty much it. Overall, the important thing is that my family respects my wish to be cremated, not buried. I realize that this is a weird thing to write about but we talk about death in my family all the time lol. My mom works in hospice care. She takes care of elderly about to die and death is pretty much second nature to her so I've never found it weird to talk about people's deaths, including my own haha.