"Oh my God, this hurts like hell..."
Hahah. The opening lines of the song Kill The Messenger by Jack's Mannequin. I discovered them again a couple weeks ago and I've been all over them since. I love their songs! :D
But yea. I saw his name on my feedback when I logged on Facebook and those feelings came rushing back again. Sigh. It feels like I'm never going to get over him. I'm sure I will (I mean, I got over all the others, right?), but it's so hard. I have to see him all the time (which I sort of don't mind because he is very good looking lol), but I have to see him with other girls. I have to see him talking about his girls. I have to see him with Jenny.
Malcolm saw my last poem, It Had To Be You. I read over it and at first I couldn't believe that I could really be in such an emo mood, but right about now I completely understand... I understand my own feelings again haha. I sound so crazy. That's what boys do to you girls, stay away from them lol. It's impossible to stay away from them so I won't even try. I'm just going to have to learn and live... and eventually love.
Speaking of, there's something wrong with Twinn. I suspect it has something to do with Ninja because the word love is in like every other status update, but I guess I'll just wait until she says something to me. It's really none of my business.
I've been in this house for the past like 5 days sitting on the couch watching Heroes. By the way, it's not that great. I'm still debating on whether I should continue to watch the second season or not though lol. Anywho, I really need to get out of this house. I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow. I need fresh air. I need to get my stuff together...
What else... Well, I made a list of things to do for this week. I just hope I get them done.
I need an adventure. I need a change. Give me excitement! Give me fun! Give me... something to look forward to. Scratch that. Remind me of my future, my possibilities. I'm seventeen! I feel as though I should be doing so much more... UGHHHHH! I'm going to lose it if I stay in this house another day!
Oh yea! P.S. I made some strawberry banana pancakes this afternoon. Oh my goodness, they looked amazing! And they didn't taste that bad either haha. Well, that's all. There's not much I can talk about if I've done nothing. So I'll write again when I finally get out of this house.
Love, Monkee<3
Monday, April 19, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
B-I-T-C-H
Tonight's topic is jealousy guys lol. But an overview of yesterday first.
Yesterday I went to the guys' home game against Brighton. I wasn't in that great a mood so I grabbed my coat and my umbrella and headed for the door to go for a walk, but one of the refs stopped me and asked if I would do line judge. Sighhhh. I didn't want to, but no body else would so I said yes. I had a bad experience with being line judge before. In the intensity of the game, somehow I crack under the pressure if the call is up to me. I did before and I swear throughout the rest of the game I felt everyone's eyes filled with hate just trying to burn holes in me.
But anywho, this time it wasn't that bad. The ref was really nice. She kept telling me that I was beautiful and how I could/should be a model and how I should do Bay States (which I was planning on applying for anyway) and how I could go far because "you can't teach tall" (Thomas was the first to tell me that!) :D
Before leaving, I gave her my information to keep in contact. Dang, she really boosted my confidence :)
Then stuff happened and I took the train alone only to ride the bus home with my dad.The moral of the story is that I feel great now. Oh, what just a few kind words can do...
Yadda yadda yadda. Now back to the main topic. Today I was invited to two parties. One was Amy's, a friend of Vtang's. I've met her a few times, but I still don't really know her that well. I could've gone to Fire and Ice to celebrate her birthday, but I didn't. Then the other was Jenny's, a teammate (this is the first time I'm actually using her name). Her birthday was last week, but her house party got cancelled last weekend so she was gonna have one today and I was invited. I like Jenny, she's cool. I respect her lots, but being completely honest, I was having doubts about going. I would've gone to build a better relationship with her, to get to know her better. I would've gone to see Goofy and other friends... But then again I didn't want to go because I'm jealous of Jenny, just kinda slightly less than half of a lot. Honestly. The guy I like(d) fell for her instead of me. She's strictly AWESOME at volleyball. She gets the grades. She has loads of friends. She is Jenny.
Then again, I think about it and I'm glad I'm not her. How else am I supposed to learn? Haha. Idk, jealousy sure can be a bitch. I'm not even sure if it is jealousy that I'm feeling. Maybe it's just a really high respect? Who knows.
And then again, I also would've felt awkward going to the party because of a few of Jenny's friends. The girls. You know those girls that you see that are just SO BEATIFUL? And you expect them to be bitches and snobs, right? But from what I can see, these girls aren't... I think.
Yea. Well, I'm just glad that ref boosted my confidence the other day. It helps majorly right about now (funk soul rubber lol). Ummmm, I think that's all I wanted to say. Oh! And this morning two songs were stuck in my head: Today Was A Fairytale and Need You Now. They are so beautiful! Hahah, that seems to be the word of the night. Alright, well it's time for me to read and sleep. Blog you soon lovelies! Jifly! :)
Yesterday I went to the guys' home game against Brighton. I wasn't in that great a mood so I grabbed my coat and my umbrella and headed for the door to go for a walk, but one of the refs stopped me and asked if I would do line judge. Sighhhh. I didn't want to, but no body else would so I said yes. I had a bad experience with being line judge before. In the intensity of the game, somehow I crack under the pressure if the call is up to me. I did before and I swear throughout the rest of the game I felt everyone's eyes filled with hate just trying to burn holes in me.
But anywho, this time it wasn't that bad. The ref was really nice. She kept telling me that I was beautiful and how I could/should be a model and how I should do Bay States (which I was planning on applying for anyway) and how I could go far because "you can't teach tall" (Thomas was the first to tell me that!) :D
Before leaving, I gave her my information to keep in contact. Dang, she really boosted my confidence :)
Then stuff happened and I took the train alone only to ride the bus home with my dad.The moral of the story is that I feel great now. Oh, what just a few kind words can do...
Yadda yadda yadda. Now back to the main topic. Today I was invited to two parties. One was Amy's, a friend of Vtang's. I've met her a few times, but I still don't really know her that well. I could've gone to Fire and Ice to celebrate her birthday, but I didn't. Then the other was Jenny's, a teammate (this is the first time I'm actually using her name). Her birthday was last week, but her house party got cancelled last weekend so she was gonna have one today and I was invited. I like Jenny, she's cool. I respect her lots, but being completely honest, I was having doubts about going. I would've gone to build a better relationship with her, to get to know her better. I would've gone to see Goofy and other friends... But then again I didn't want to go because I'm jealous of Jenny, just kinda slightly less than half of a lot. Honestly. The guy I like(d) fell for her instead of me. She's strictly AWESOME at volleyball. She gets the grades. She has loads of friends. She is Jenny.
Then again, I think about it and I'm glad I'm not her. How else am I supposed to learn? Haha. Idk, jealousy sure can be a bitch. I'm not even sure if it is jealousy that I'm feeling. Maybe it's just a really high respect? Who knows.
And then again, I also would've felt awkward going to the party because of a few of Jenny's friends. The girls. You know those girls that you see that are just SO BEATIFUL? And you expect them to be bitches and snobs, right? But from what I can see, these girls aren't... I think.
Yea. Well, I'm just glad that ref boosted my confidence the other day. It helps majorly right about now (funk soul rubber lol). Ummmm, I think that's all I wanted to say. Oh! And this morning two songs were stuck in my head: Today Was A Fairytale and Need You Now. They are so beautiful! Hahah, that seems to be the word of the night. Alright, well it's time for me to read and sleep. Blog you soon lovelies! Jifly! :)
Woah No
Crazy how time flies by so fast. I haven't blogged in like 3 weeks guys... and April vacation is finally here so I guess now is as good a time as any to update :)
So much went on that if I went into detail about each one, I'd end up writing a book. So I'm just going to list the things I remember, I guess. Here we go.
*I accidentally deleted a blog that I was typing in a note on my iPhone >:(
*Good Friday I actually went to church! *gasp!shock*
*Ms. Moore, a science teacher from school, passed away... Then Mr. Huie's dad passed away. He didn't come to school for a week :(
*My cutie/bandit Thorton showed me that if I like someone, I should just go for it and ask them out on a date lol. Then I realized that if I did that with any of the guys I currently like/have an interest in, it either wouldn't work or would end horribly.
*I saw Dirty Dancing for the first time. It made me want to learn how to seriously dance. And now I love that song even more!
*The Script is on KISS 108 now! Great for them! But now I don't listen to KISS anymore lol. Most of the songs I hear are crap so I listen to Magic 106.7 instead :)
*I talked to Frank-o-bean on the phone again. I miss our hour long convos :) He reminded me that he's graduating soon and I thought about how much I'm gonna miss him and all the other seniors... so sad :'(
*Oh yea. And I realized something else about him. He's around a different girl like every time I see him haha. Which shouldn't bother me at all, but if you know our history, you'd understand why it irks me often.
*I wish Bluprint Cru had won ABDC. Poreotics (however you spell it) is fun and all that, but seriously, all they do is "tick-tick-tick-tick-tick" haha. The charit episode was so cool. I absolutely FELL IN LOVE with Jabawockees! 8D
*Harvard Square is such a cool place to explore. First I went there with Quistina (lol! came up with that on the spot) and both my fiances. Then I went there a second time with just Ninja. Crazy night, crazy people... o_o
*Frank-o-bean taught me an important lesson about self-esteem. I'll never forget it. It's just that some of my friends can't name one good thing about themselves and it saddens me because I can think of at least 20 each!
*Malcolm in Texas. We talked on the phone and he cheered me up a bunch. I gotta get more focused on my schoolwork >:O
*Blakey's aunt passed away also :( She's been through SO MUCH in her life. I just wish that I could stand by her side to help, but idk. Time separated us. She's doing her own thing now, but one day, we'll be together again... I hope. I won't let her go.
*I had a viral infection (NOT mono) all last weekend and a little bit into this week. Horrible. Absolutely horrible. I was tired and weak all the time. I had headaches and a fever and a sore throat and back pain. UGH. But I'm better now. Although I do seem to be seeing a bit more blood than usual... let's hope I don't have anemia like my mom is making me believe. She's always saying the worst that can happen...
Damn. So many deaths. Isn't this spring? This is supposed to be the time of birth and renewal and happiness and all that crap. But it's seems like the opposite. I don't know. All these deaths and somehow the world keeps spinning, life keeps going. But though sometimes you may feel like bawling in tears or crawling to your room and hiding from the world, you've got to be brave. Take some time and learn to let it be. Because you've got to keep going with the world too.
And that's my final thought of the morning. Have a good day all :)
So much went on that if I went into detail about each one, I'd end up writing a book. So I'm just going to list the things I remember, I guess. Here we go.
*I accidentally deleted a blog that I was typing in a note on my iPhone >:(
*Good Friday I actually went to church! *gasp!shock*
*Ms. Moore, a science teacher from school, passed away... Then Mr. Huie's dad passed away. He didn't come to school for a week :(
*My cutie/bandit Thorton showed me that if I like someone, I should just go for it and ask them out on a date lol. Then I realized that if I did that with any of the guys I currently like/have an interest in, it either wouldn't work or would end horribly.
*I saw Dirty Dancing for the first time. It made me want to learn how to seriously dance. And now I love that song even more!
*The Script is on KISS 108 now! Great for them! But now I don't listen to KISS anymore lol. Most of the songs I hear are crap so I listen to Magic 106.7 instead :)
*I talked to Frank-o-bean on the phone again. I miss our hour long convos :) He reminded me that he's graduating soon and I thought about how much I'm gonna miss him and all the other seniors... so sad :'(
*Oh yea. And I realized something else about him. He's around a different girl like every time I see him haha. Which shouldn't bother me at all, but if you know our history, you'd understand why it irks me often.
*I wish Bluprint Cru had won ABDC. Poreotics (however you spell it) is fun and all that, but seriously, all they do is "tick-tick-tick-tick-tick" haha. The charit episode was so cool. I absolutely FELL IN LOVE with Jabawockees! 8D
*Harvard Square is such a cool place to explore. First I went there with Quistina (lol! came up with that on the spot) and both my fiances. Then I went there a second time with just Ninja. Crazy night, crazy people... o_o
*Frank-o-bean taught me an important lesson about self-esteem. I'll never forget it. It's just that some of my friends can't name one good thing about themselves and it saddens me because I can think of at least 20 each!
*Malcolm in Texas. We talked on the phone and he cheered me up a bunch. I gotta get more focused on my schoolwork >:O
*Blakey's aunt passed away also :( She's been through SO MUCH in her life. I just wish that I could stand by her side to help, but idk. Time separated us. She's doing her own thing now, but one day, we'll be together again... I hope. I won't let her go.
*I had a viral infection (NOT mono) all last weekend and a little bit into this week. Horrible. Absolutely horrible. I was tired and weak all the time. I had headaches and a fever and a sore throat and back pain. UGH. But I'm better now. Although I do seem to be seeing a bit more blood than usual... let's hope I don't have anemia like my mom is making me believe. She's always saying the worst that can happen...
Damn. So many deaths. Isn't this spring? This is supposed to be the time of birth and renewal and happiness and all that crap. But it's seems like the opposite. I don't know. All these deaths and somehow the world keeps spinning, life keeps going. But though sometimes you may feel like bawling in tears or crawling to your room and hiding from the world, you've got to be brave. Take some time and learn to let it be. Because you've got to keep going with the world too.
And that's my final thought of the morning. Have a good day all :)
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