Monday, June 27, 2011

It doesn't matter if you love him or capital H-I-M...

That was.. an interesting talk I had with my parents just now. It started off with friends and college life and... boys (heavens no!). Then my dad went on to discuss la bible. Oops, that should be an uppercase B, la Bible. What do I think of it? Do I believe in it? That's the main fear I had when I heard that we were gonna have a talk. How do you tell your religious parents that you don't believe in God? You don't. lol
You do what I've been doing my entire life. You use word choice. It's not that you don't believe in God, it's just that you haven't found Him yet. Your thoughts on the Bible? Do you follow it? Do you think people should follow it? In summary, yes, there are some good things written that people should follow. See? Word choice. It softens the blow. That way I don't have to say anything their poor ears wouldn't be able to handle or believe :)
After discussing the Bible, my dad asked my opinion of gay people. He asked me if I thought it was wrong or right or if I cared.. And I told him that I didn't think there was anything necessarily wrong with them. They're just people. They were born that way, what's so wrong with that? Then we had a discussion about how according to the Bible and God, it's wrong. Just flat out wrong. Both my parents told me that when they saw guys kissing guys (and I guess that includes girls kissing girls too though they didn't mention that) they thought it was gross. My dad spent his time trying to find where in the Bible it infers that the thing that God despises the most is gays. So to save both our time I basically told him that it's pointless to try to tell me what's wrong if I've already formed my own opinion. (Btw I'm hard-headed. I got it from my dad so when we both disagree on something like this.. well, there's just no point in arguing.) To which he replied that by me saying it's right I'm going against both the Bible and God................ okay. I'm fine with that lol. We're all people. We should have the right to live how we please (as long as it doesn't harm anyone else). And if two men or two women want to live happily ever after together, no one should stop them. Not me, not my parents, not my church, and especially not the government. My mom mentioned the PRIDE fair thing in NY. She talked about it in a disgusted way, but honestly, I'd love to go to a gay fair/parade one day. Why not? I don't think there's anything wrong with it so I guess yes, you could say I support it. FREE LOVE! PEACE FOR ALL!
I finally told my mom the other day that Johnny (the leader of YMS) was gay and had a partner. All she said was wow. I told her to stop her from thinking that I do fashion shows naked and show off my body (like how could she think that's what we do in YMS? that makes no sense at all -_-). But now I feel like she'll treat him differently :( Ignorance... So much ignorance.
My dad kept saying to watch out because that evil, hanging out with gays and whatnot, could spread to me too.. Ugh, they're just not.... open. Or as open as I'd hope them to be. Sigh, whatever.

So what are my actual opinions on God? Well.. I'm serious when I say I haven't found Him yet. How can I say that He doesn't exist when practically my entire family and the majority of the world believes (in one way/religion or another) in Him? Even when I had my First Communion I didn't believe. When they made me memorize all those prayers, all those classes I took, all those times I went to church, I don't remember actually believing. All those times I bend down on my knees I never once felt that there was someone, some greater force up there listening. If anyone in my family ever read this they'd.. well, they'd be shocked. I feel bad just typing it, but it's true. That's how I feel. I feel.. nothing. And people would say they're the ones who feel sorry for me, but don't. I don't need your pity. Come judgement time, come my death we'll see what happens. Actually, speaking of, I never really believed that there was a Heaven. I just thought that there was.. blackness, nothing. Maybe there is life after death, but I'll never know. And no body else will either. You can believe, that's all you can do. I do hope to find God one day though. Maybe just not through Christianity. In the 7th grade I remember learning about the major religions of the world and the one religion that really interested me was Hinduism... or maybe it was Buddhism. Still, they are both very interesting religions. There should be no reason why I can't worship God in my own way, in a religion separate from my family's. So there. That's my view.

And to finish off this post I'll say that my parents have decided that they are taking my to Haiti this summer. Yayyyyyyyyy... that was sarcastic. I'm not excited to go to a country where everyone around me speaks a language (one I barely understand) that I can't and where I don't have a family member my age to talk to... but I'll go -_- I will say though that if I miss my YMS fashion show I swear to.. Him that I will never forgive my parents.

And so Summer 2011 unfolds...

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