Last Night

Lol I love my friends.

I have a plan.

I'll leave him be for a while. If he wants to talk to me again, then great!

If not, then I'll go to him. And demand to know just one thing: "Tell me, do you still want to be my friend?"

I don't expect an explanation, I know what I did. But I just need to know... if I've completely ruined what we had, or if there's still a chance that I can get my good friend back.



Jeez, why does that sound so... needy?
And I know damn well that even though I planned this all out, it won't go the way I hoped. It never does. That's life, I guess. 

I had a dream.

That my other guy friends were protecting me. They would come distract me whenever Peter came around. They were protecting me from getting hurt, being sad. It was adorable. I was also a commuter or something because I went back home after class one day. And Peter called me. We had a long convo about how he wanted us to take a trip to Haiti and adopt a little girl, hopefully together. He obviously was no longer giving me the silent treatment. We talked for a while on the phone. He kept asking me questions about my background. It was as if he wanted to get to know me better, as if he actually liked me back. It was a good dream. It made me VERY happy :)

Too bad in real life he's still not talking to me. I miss him, I miss my good friend! :(
What have I done?

I fucked it up.

Why do I always mess this up? Why can't I just be friends with a guy? I sent a text and may have lost a good friendship because of it. Why did I have to confess and tell him my feelings? :(
Why couldn't I just let it go?
Stupid stupid stupiiiiid.
Now he's avoiding me.
Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid
I could've just held it in and not said anything and gotten crushed by my crush, as usual.
But I didn't.
And now I think I've lost a friendship. Great.

But that's how I learn, right?
Next time I know not to overthink things and just hold back my feelings and never let the guy know how much I really like him. Now I know.
Rule one in relationships: Keep your trap shut.

I am way too nice.

I bought someone (a friend I honestly don't know that well - an acquaintance, really) a full bag of snickers minis because his birthday was yesterday. Was it because I felt bad for having seen him 3 times earlier that day without having said happy birthday to him? Or was it because I think all birthdays should be celebrated? Either way, I realized after giving it to him that I am just way too nice. Granted, it felt awesome to hear that "it was the best gift he'd gotten" after giving it to him, but I really didn't have to get him anything.

I'm just way too nice.

Sad Realization

I've come to the realization that I will never be a model because I don't have a pretty face. I'm not beautiful. It'll never happen.