Wednesday, December 8, 2010

BC1: Day Three

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I have to forgive myself for not saying something when I had the chance. Because I was only in the 4th grade. I'm sure I've told this story before, but I'll summarize it for this entry's sake. In the 4th grade there was this boy Shannon (he was French) I was really good friends with. We would play during recess and we'd sit near each other sometimes. Towards the end of the year he told me he liked me and I just said "okay" and walked away. The sad part is, I liked him too. I was just too shocked to say anything else. I tried telling him the day after I just couldn't get myself to do it. That day he left for summer vacation in France early and I never got to tell him how I truly felt. I had a very heavy heart that summer. The next school year came around, stuff with a third party happened regarding secrets >_>, and I found out that he just wanted to "be friends".
Yes, so I've realized that I have to forgive myself for not speaking up. I was young and didn't know any better. Sure, it cost me a heartbreak, but I learned a great deal from it. The same goes for my other crushes. I find myself always falling for a guy even though I know it won't go anywhere and that I'll get hurt in the end. I have to forgive myself for that because I can not control my emotions. I have to realize that. I can try all I want to stay away from a guy and not have mini heart attacks whenever I have contact with him, but it pretty much never works. I just have to accept it, get over it, and learn. Much easier said than done...

But hey, one thing I've learned from all my crushes is to take risks and step outside my comfort zone sometimes. :)
I'm proud to say that I've told 2 of my past crushes that I've liked them (one way or another... but both directly). I never got to be with them and for one I was heartbroken to discover the truth, but it felt really good to let it out. One of these days I just hope that the guy will like me back hehehe.

Until tomorrow.

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