Detached, Part II

I just love how we don't talk anymore and I'm not invited to go party with you. Throwed, those 18+ parties I've been wanting to go to foreverrrrrr. I would love to go, but it's fine that I'm not.
I probably brought this upon myself. The distance I initiated, all the times I avoided talking to her. I did it all myself. To myself. Why? I thought I'd be better off. And now I'm just... a little unhappy. That I'm missing out. That because I don't talk to her, I feel detached and like an outsider now.

How quickly things like this change...


Well, on the plus side, last night I had a dream about Jimmy and I finally getting together. Well, we hooked up and made out. It was reeeeaaaallly nice ;) But then he went to go get something and.. never came back. Great. I'm getting abandoned even in my dreams...

Today has probably been the longest day of my life...

Today has probably been the longest day of my lifeeeee. Way too many meetings and shit. -_-

Sitting next to two girls in art class who spend 2...

Sitting next to two girls in art class who spend 2 whole hours talking about their boyfriends. Omg stop. Stfu please.

I hate nights like these. When I feel unimportant and unnoticed, like I'm not ever here. When Holly R gets more action that I do and she's been picked on the entire night. I'm drunk or tipsy or whatever and I'm upset. It's unfair. I don't want to be here. I should be somewhere in Europe, where color of skin isn't an issue. I want to leave. I.. don't belong...

If I were being completely honest...

I'd say that I'm not okay with her hanging out with him. I named my teddy bear after him, for God's sake! She should know that when I say I'm over him, I'm really not. I'm not comfortable with them hanging out. And I realized not too long ago that probably the only reason why he's been acknowledging my existence more now is because he wants to get closer to her.
She's gorgeous, no doubt about it. I can try to boost up my self-esteem and say that I'm not so bad-looking myself, but let's be real. I'm nothing compared to her. None of the guys I like ever pay me any mind. Not her, she could literally have any guy she wants. But she wants him. Funny, because not too long ago she said that she was over her little crush on him, that he's not attractive at all. That was before when she had a boyfriend. And now? Well, now she's on the lookout for a new guy. Or maybe a play toy, I don't know. I'm not comfortable with it.

But you know what? After that incident two Thursdays ago I'm not that close to her anyway. So I don't care. I'm okay with it, with them. I'm fine, really.

Andy Grammar - Keep Your Head Up