Winter Blackout

Okay. So a lot of people want me to go to this dance, the Winter Blackout, next next Saturday. I don't really know if I want to go. And even if I did want to go, I'd still have to ask my dad permission to go. And find something to wear. Stupid formal parties. People are telling me that it's not a formal dance, but from the looks of what everyone else is wearing, it is. I don't know. I just feel ehhhh. And I'm sure I'd be one of the 10 black people there in a sea of asians too LOL. That's not a problem for me, but I was just throwin that out there haha. Hmmm, we'll see.

Last night (more like this morning since I woke up at noon -- I stayed up until 4/5 watching a tv show online haha) I had a dream. I was in Shaws with Lexy and Tiff getting groceries lol (probably because my cousins and I went there yesterday in search of candy). Then I got a call on my phone. And it was... you know. And he was asking me to be his date to the Winter Blackout dance. And I woke up right after I asked him "What about your girlfriend?". I hate that I always wake up before the nitty gritty stuff of dreams. You know, the stuff that shows what your dream actually means? Sigh. I've been having way too many dreams about him lately. I never had this many about Hung. Maybe it's because I interact with him in real life more. But still, I never dream about my family this much. And when we actually hung out all the time, I never dreamed this much about Blakey. Weird.
Anywho, I'm sure you guys are tired of reading about him. So this will most likely be the last blog featuring him. I don't want to talk about him this much either. It's creepy.
Hahahaha creepy. Cweepy. Qui-py. Hahaha.

...Yeah, I'll stop. Time for me to actually do some work this weekend lol. Bye!

See?

This is the picture he has up. (I can't help but laugh at how serious they look in this pic and how silly we are in real life.)
Storm and Nightcrawler. X-men, practically family. Nothing more... right? I knew that. I just didn't care haha. I should've cared in order to save me all this trouble now. Oh well. It happens. To me. All the time.

Sabado

Saturday in Spanish :)

So today was... better. That's probably because I didn't interact with my family much. And because he didn't aim me, but at least I didn't go near insane or cry today. YAY :D
Hahaha. My mom did my hair around 3 (it smells incredible right now!) and then I went to the movies with my cousins. We saw Harry Potter, against my wishes. It was okay I guess. I had no idea what was happening or who half of those people were, but that's okay.
We went to the Dedham de Lux theatre. First off, their food and drinks and candy are RIDICULOUSLY overpriced. $5 for a drink? $4 for a tiny box of candy? WHAT?! It's outrageous. Those prices are way higher than any other theatre I've been to. Do they make you pay for the atmosphere too? Why should I have to pay for that too when I don't even stay there (the lobby) for more than 5 minutes? >:\
Secondly, we walked into the theatre a little late (the movie was already starting) and there were absolutely no seats lol! We had to sit in the second row. At least the seats reclined a bit. And we were able to kick our feet up haha.
I kept asking my cousins questions during the movie because the only HP movie I've seen in full is the first one. The 3 or 4 movies in between are all just a blur lol. Like Dumbledor is dead? WHAT?! I was shocked hahaha.
Afterwards we walked around and went to the Apple Store. While trying to post a video on my cousin's wall I linked iPhoto to my facebook. We didn't know how to take it off and the store was closing so when I got home I changed my password (just in case). So Vivian don't even think about trying to hack my facebook lol.
We left and went to Friendly's so I could try a Fribble, but they were closed :(
I will try a Fribble some day! >:|
So we went to Star Market/Shaws for candy haha. I ate chocolate and Pringles and they dropped me off home. I had a good time.
Except.
Is it bad that earlier today (when I thought we were going to go to the Downtown theatre) I thought about leaving them to go to BCNC and play volleyball with Qui and Joey and them? Or not even play, just watch. Watch him. I think that's bad. Really bad. Bad Christina! haha sigh. How can I just be friends now? Grrr. I fupped everything up.

Well on a better note, this morning when I was trying on the Victoria Secret stuff my mom bought me last night I found out that I'm now a 34B. Whooo! lmaoooo
You guys didn't need to know that, but it's something that cheered me up today haha. I wouldn't be surprised if I got a bra from one of you guys this Christmas/my birthday LOL.
And I think that's it. I still haven't started any schoolwork. I think I'll just attempt at it tomorrow. I'm tired. So it's just do a bit more Twizzler munchin and Pringle crunchin then sleep. Oh, maybe I'll watch My Generation online or read Twilight before I k.o. though. Hehehe okie doke. Later!

Thanksgiving/Black Friday

Oh goodness. This has been the longest couple of days in... ever haha. It's like I'm on a roller coaster that's gone out of control. At first everything's fine and I'm happy, but then one little thing happens and my world does a complete 180. Everything goes wrong and I'm upset and I start to cry. It's ridiculous. I feel sorta kinda bipolar. All I want to do is get off this roller coaster. I wish I could redo everything starting from Wednesday afternoon. Turn back time and forget that things ever happened, that'd be wonderful. Because I'd like to be stable again, to feel stable. My eyes weren't made to cry this much lol.
So where should I start? Hmmm... hows about on Thursday night. Thanksgiving. I had a pretty bad Thanksgiving. The worst out of all my years. The morning was fine, but then my mom came by and said that we were trying to leave by 3. So I kept doing whatever I was doing because I still had time. So 2 o'clock comes around and she barges in yelling at me asking if I was still going. Then she tells me that she said we were trying to get there by 3 (which is complete bullshit cuz I know what she said before). And so we were both mad. I was getting dressed when she hopped in the car and threatened to leave me. She claimed that I didn't want to go -_-
I had to run out to the car. And on the drive over to Rhode Island I cried. Quietly, but still I'm sure my Dad noticed since he was sitting next to me. He didn't do or say anything. Nice. What kind of family is that? We got to my aunt's house and she had to leave for work so we were left with my twin cousins and a table covered with half-eaten food. I was silent while we ate. I already felt crappy. (Though I did crack a smile when my mom asked what would we do if she was choking... *inside joke*) Later on she made some rude comment about me. She was like "I don't see why people say Dinah and Christina are so alike. Christina's so mean. I don't see how she has any friends." Alright so maybe it was supposed to make me smile cuz they all laughed, but I walked away after that. So later we went to my godmother's house (also my aunt) where the majority of my cousins were. I had more fun there because my cousins distracted me from my immediate family haha. What can I say? They know how to make me laugh. It was maybe 11 when I go a ride home with Dinah and her bf. In the car ride he was talking to her about me. He said "Your sister seems especially surly lately. What's wrong with her?" Then they went on about how my sister doesn't know what surly means... but still, it's amazing to me that he would actually ask about me when no body in my (immediate) family will. Again, what kind of family is that?
So I got on aim at home and put in my status that I had the worst Thanksgiving ever. And Qui aimed.

Qui 11:12 pm
got some lint in my food, bout to go eat it 21m ago <-- that's an inside joke haha
(10:23:00 PM): [Offline IM sent 50m ago] hey i dont think i can go tomorrow
(11:12:28 PM): [Offline IM sent 50m ago] my mom wants to go shopping
(11:12:28 PM): [Offline IM sent 50m ago] T.T
(11:12:34 PM): [Offline IM sent 50m ago] i guess im suppose to hpold her bags
(11:12:34 PM): [Offline IM sent 50m ago] >:(
Qui 11:35 pm
(11:35:28 PM): hey u alrite ?
(11:39:09 PM): i hope everything goes well storm, happy thanksgiving i am tahnkful for having the storm because she predicts the weather :-)
(11:39:21 PM): goodnite storm (and then he set that as his status...)

I didn't want to talk to him so I ignored him even if that was really thoughtful. Sometimes I just want to hit him for being so flippin nice. Like I want to hate him for it, but I can't. That just doesn't make any sense lol.
Anywho, since I wasn't going to the mall with him, I decided to go with Vtang. After her tooth-decayingly sweet comment on my last blog I couldn't help but want to spend some time with her. It turned out to be just what I needed!
I woke up at 5:30, left at 6:30, missed my bus, waited a while for the next one, got to Savin Hill, waited there for a really long time in the cold, and walked to Thao's house in fuggs (really bad idea, if only I knew that it was going to rain in the morning... my boots got soaked! lol). We got to the mall around 9... and Vtang and I left around 3/4. Six hours and I walked out having bought just a CD hahah. I introduced her to Chipotle though! Yummm...♥ And I saw Jenn too! And I tried on a lot of hats lol.
By the time we got to Downtown we were both exhausted. I got home expecting my dad to yell at me for staying out nearly 12 hours, but surprisingly he didn't. (I guess it only counts for when I stay out late.. *rolls eyes*) But my mom walked by my room and nagged me. Maybe he's using her as a secret weapon to get under my skin. If so, it's working. She's seriously pissing me off. My fist is aching to throw some punches. At anything and anyone. Watch out... >_>
But yea. In the middle of uploading pics, Qui aimed again. Asking what's wrong. And by that time I was so frustrated with the pics and tired of having to lie and cover up the truth and frustrated with my own thoughts and feelings and just so done with everything that I tried to tell him. Or I hinted at it, but it didn't work. I couldn't do it lol. It was just a fail cuz he kept being to nice and supportive. He kept trying to cheer me up, but I couldn't crack a smile. I was literally shaking with fear (or whatever mix of emotions I was feeling). So in the end he put up a pic of Storm and Nightcrawler together to cheer me up. I could've died.
Also, in the end I hinted at something I probably shouldn't have. And I feel terrible for doing that too. If only I could've started all over! Everything's all mixed up now and ughhhhh! This sucks. I wonder what it's gonna be like talking in person...
Yea. So after that I finished uploading all the pics. And I got tired so I just fell asleep. And now today I believe I'm going to the movies with my cousins (the Gang!) to see HP. Only I refuse to see that movie so I'll probably go see something else lol. And I feel bad for that too because I was originally supposed to see that movie with Sushi on Wednesday. Aghhh! Why is this week so crappy?!
I wonder how/if I'm gonna get any school work done lmaooo.

So for last thoughts... Vicky. Vickster lol. I ♥ her. She's been super awesome these past few days. I know I don't like talking about my "love" life and I hate that it's so hard for me to do it with her, but I love her for trying. And look, she actually got me to do it through this blog! How did I get such a good friend like her? I wonder.. what is she thinking? Does she know she's helping me? Because I know if the tables were turned and she was the one hurting, I'd feel like all my talks weren't helping :\
Anyway, if you didn't, now you know. You're amazing. (You're a star!) Thank you. And I really do hope we get to go skating again lol.

And Vtang. Once again, thanks for the wonderfully tiring day yesterday. I can't believe it's been so long since we last hang out! We have to do it more. (Karaoke!) And I'm not sure if you figured out who the guy is... I'd rather you not know actually. But if you find out, you find out.

I know I should've known better (not to like him). But hey, the heart wants what it wants. It wants what it can't have. That seems to be especially true for my heart...

That's a picture that Frank-o-bean tagged me in hahaha.
It's like my heart breaks free from the leash every single time.
This reminds me of those poems I wrote (I wrote them at the perfect time because they match exactly how I feel now). I think I'm going to go read them now. Blog you laters.

Xtina. Monkee. Cjoe. Kandi. Twinn.

Spirit Day

Hello dear readers. It's been a while. A very long while haha. I meant to blog last weekend, but I got lazy. Oh well hehe.
So today was Spirit Day. Everything was so nerve-racking. (Thank goodness it's the last one!) This morning was CRAPPPP. Last night after Cao's party I came home and uploaded pics for a god 2/3 hours. I fell asleep at like 1:30. Then I had to wake, get ready, get all my stuff packed and good to go for my performance, and run out the door (because they said that if you come late to school, they won't let you in). But I was running late and I missed my bus. So I had to ask my mom for a ride and she got mad and was yelling at me. It was just really loud -_-
Especially since we were arguing the night before too. We haven't really been getting along that well. But anywho, I ran for volleyball and sang for Chorus and danced with Bobby (*bleck*). It was ridiculous. But it was fun. It was definitely a lot more fun than rehearsals though. I got a major headache during that -- actually all that afternoon. I don't know, I was just pissed. There was way too much going on.
But after school got out I went with Vicky to her house because we were gonna go ice skating. Aside from the spring rolls that gave me an itchy throat (allergic reaction; this happened the last time I had spring rolls too! I think it's the hoisin sauce! It has sesame seeds in it. I'm allergic to sesame seeds. Or it could just be a psychological thing like because I saw shrimp I got paranoid and my body started reacting to it... I don't know, but I feel bad. Vicky's so sweet. Lol I wish I wasn't allergic to so many things...)
So aside from the spring rolls, I had fun with Vicky :)
Then we went to Frog Pond. I got out the car and like couldn't stop shivering. I saw Jannie and Christine... and then I saw Qui. And I asked him what he was doing there. And he said he came to see his girlfriend skate.
And after a few minutes of waiting in line I didn't want to be there anymore. So I left. I felt really bad for leaving, but I couldn't handle it. I hope I get another chance to skate with Vicky again. This is the second time we meant to (skate together) but never did :(

And I walked through the Commons in the cold. The trees were really pretty blowing in the wind. And I sat in the corner on the train. And I cried. Thank goodness for hoodies. Then I got to Forest Hills and waiting in the freezing cold for my bus. And right before I got on this girl asked me if I played volleyball and I nodded my head and showed her the front of my hoodie. Then I fell asleep on the bus and almost missed my bus stop. And I went to my room and crawled under the covers and slept. And slept. And my mom tried to wake me up. She was trying to massage my back from when I fell down the stairs last week... don't ask me why. Maybe I have some bruise on my back that I don't know about. But in my half-sleep state I told her to stop and rolled over and fell back asleep. Then I woke up at midnight. And I just lay on my bed for a while wishing I could fall back asleep so I wouldn't have to think. And after eating a bowl of cereal I'm wide awake. So I'm watching movies online. And yea. This is probably gonna be the worst Thanksgiving I've had... ever.

This (situation) is so stupid. I should've known better. And if only he weren't so... friendly. I sort of knew this would happen, but I didn't think it'd be this soon. I guess this just means I have more time to heal and get over it...
We were supposed to go to the mall on Friday, but if he doesn't say anything about it I don't think I'm gonna go. It sucks because he's like my closest guy friend. And now I'm in the perrrrr-dicament.
Sometimes I feel like I'll never find the right guy lol. Or maybe I'm looking in all the wrong places. Volleyball and guys should stay separate. Forever. It's easier that way. For me anyway.

Or maybe I should just go lesbian lol.
Sigh, what am I gonna do? For the next couple hours, I mean. I already slept for 8+ hours. The more I stay up, the more I have time to think about things. And I don't want to think about things. Can't I just forget? Forget it all? Please? :'(

Happy Turkey Day guys. Have fun. Be thankful.
I guess I'm thankful for friends -- OTHER friends. But I don't even think I want to talk to them about it right now. I'll just lie to myself and deny it ever happened.
Anywho, blog ya later. I'm sure I'll blog more this weekend.