Wednesday, February 29, 2012


Sunday night, upon returning to school, I began to reflect on my life.

Being completely honest, I haven't really been the best student. Last week especially I skipped a lot of classes and barely did any work. I stayed up really late and couldn't wake up for my classes. It was bad. So come Sunday night I started thinking that I had no purpose - in school, that is. I felt unmotivated. I questioned why I was here at FSU taking these classes that I don't even care about. I was very... lost. And I concluded that I was having a quarter-life crisis. (I would've said a fifth-life crisis but that didn't sound right haha.)
Of course I knew I was in school for a reason - to get a degree to get a good job. I sure as heck wasn't going to drop out, but I felt that I had no goal in school. I used to want to be a Biomedical researcher, but after taking the required classes (for a Biology degree) and really thinking about it, I didn't know if I wanted to do that anymore. I had no idea what I was going to do and I felt miserable.

So I reached out to my family - more specifically, my favorite aunt. She was the one who reminded me before that family is always there so I called her Monday night. Let me just say that there's a good reason why she's my favorite aunt lol. She gave me the best pep talk.
She pointed out that a very few number of people actually go to college knowing what they want to do and follow through with it. It's natural to feel this way. Especially for someone like me who likes having a plan, it's okay to feel a little lost. But then she told me something that I won't forget: sometimes you have to lose yourself to find out who you really are.
She reminded me that I'm young and I'm in college; I should be having fun! I'll figure out what I want to do sooner or later but for now I should be trying new things. I should be taking fun classes that interest me. I should be partying. I should be traveling, studying abroad, going out with friends! (She even went as far to say that I should be drinking and maybe even trying pot, though I don't know about that lmao.) She said that I can be too responsible, which is true in a way. The things I do... I realize that I do them because I think I'm expected to do them because it's right or good. I should be doing things because I want to.

She also advised me not to go home for Spring Break. She said that going home and going to work is the responsible thing to do, but I have the rest of my life to work so I should have some fun while I still can. Also, she warned that if I keep going home I won't leave (in a broader sense) because though my parents are great people, they're suffocating.

So what I took away from that entire conversation was that I may be a little lost now, but if I keep doing the things I love, I'll find myself eventually. I should apply myself more during the week so I can have fun on the weekends haha. I should only go home once a month (which is weird because today I was talking to my Expos professor and she said the same thing...) - though even then might be too much. And finally, I'm not going home for Spring Break. I'm going to try something new and spend time with my friends and stay with them (aka bum around their houses lol). I also want to try to go to NY too, but we'll see about that..
This should be interesting :)

I've accepted that I'm a bit lost, but that's just given me a new drive to find myself. And I intend to enjoy my time on this journey.

My motto: "Fuck it. I'm young, I'm going to have fun!"

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