Thursday, May 16, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I finally looked at my grades today and...
I got an A, two A-'s, and one B+.
That's literally the best my transcript has seen since I've started college 2 years ago. Granted, I did take a bunch of easy classes. I tried in Stats. Luckily I got an easy professor who scaled the crap out of everything. Psych of Personality was a joke - they got a retired professor to come in and reach for his colleague who had recently passed away. I didn't learn anything. And for Philosophy I got the nicest professor who just so happened to have, as my brother calls it, "white guilt". Because he grew up in the south and had seen raw prejudice with his own eyes, I feel as though I got "brownie points". He always kept me after class to ask for my opinion or make sure I was comfortable with the topics covered in class. He was extra... careful, and just the sweetest old guy. I never submitted a final paper but I got an A anyway. I feel extremely bad about it because though I told him that I'd accept a 0 for the paper (procrastination and stress had gotten to me, I just didn't have the will in me to finish it), he told me that I was an extremely bright student and that I should just turn in whatever I had - which I still never did. I have no idea how I got an A but I know I didn't deserve it. Especially since it was a Philo class about Ethics, I feel awful about it...
And of course the only class I really enjoyed and learned from was Art, which I loved.
I don't know. I'm glad my grades are great - my mom will finally get off my back about them. But I feel like I didn't really accomplish much. Socially, I branched out a lot. I went to counseling and learned a lot about myself. I've come a long way since last year, for sure. But academically, I feel like I'm still not all there. I question a lot why I'm in college, why I attend those classes that don't stimulate me (with the exception of a select few). I know the answer, but I don't know if I have the whole-hearted motivation to continue. Either way, my parents will push me to get that degree. That's all they want.
Still, at the end of the day, all that really matters is what I want. That's something I'm still trying to figure out for myself.
That's literally the best my transcript has seen since I've started college 2 years ago. Granted, I did take a bunch of easy classes. I tried in Stats. Luckily I got an easy professor who scaled the crap out of everything. Psych of Personality was a joke - they got a retired professor to come in and reach for his colleague who had recently passed away. I didn't learn anything. And for Philosophy I got the nicest professor who just so happened to have, as my brother calls it, "white guilt". Because he grew up in the south and had seen raw prejudice with his own eyes, I feel as though I got "brownie points". He always kept me after class to ask for my opinion or make sure I was comfortable with the topics covered in class. He was extra... careful, and just the sweetest old guy. I never submitted a final paper but I got an A anyway. I feel extremely bad about it because though I told him that I'd accept a 0 for the paper (procrastination and stress had gotten to me, I just didn't have the will in me to finish it), he told me that I was an extremely bright student and that I should just turn in whatever I had - which I still never did. I have no idea how I got an A but I know I didn't deserve it. Especially since it was a Philo class about Ethics, I feel awful about it...
And of course the only class I really enjoyed and learned from was Art, which I loved.
I don't know. I'm glad my grades are great - my mom will finally get off my back about them. But I feel like I didn't really accomplish much. Socially, I branched out a lot. I went to counseling and learned a lot about myself. I've come a long way since last year, for sure. But academically, I feel like I'm still not all there. I question a lot why I'm in college, why I attend those classes that don't stimulate me (with the exception of a select few). I know the answer, but I don't know if I have the whole-hearted motivation to continue. Either way, my parents will push me to get that degree. That's all they want.
Still, at the end of the day, all that really matters is what I want. That's something I'm still trying to figure out for myself.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
I might just do something rash.
Updates first:
I gave Larry my "I find you to be very attractive" card. It was probably the most nerve-racking, most embarrasing, hardest thing I've had to do by far this year. Aside from that Miss pageant.
I'm slowly dying on the inside having to write this paper for Philosophy. I procrastinated way too much. It's not even that bad, just 6 pages, but I literally can't wrap my head around it. I know what I'd like to say, I just can't type it out in complete sentences. I fucking hate this. And it makes me wonder if I'm the problem, if maybe I shouldn't be in school...
My new favorite song is "Crave You" by Flight Facilities. It sums up my love life perfectly... Take a listen!
And finally, I'm getting sick of my roommate. She's getting on my nerves. Thank goodness I get to leave in 2 days.. Not that I want to leave. If it were up to me I'd keep living on campus and not go home and just... kick her out.
Now, the main point of this post. This morning before my final I ate breakfast with 3 friends, 2 girls and my friend Parker. One of the girls admitted to me that she had a "baby crush" on Parker earlier, which is fine I thought, but when I saw them interact in person today I couldn't stand it. Parker has a girlfriend and my friend has a boyfriend so I shouldn't be phased but they were walking together making little jokes back and forth and it made me upset. If, somehow, they end up dating I will be pissed. Why, you ask? Because that would just prove to me that the guys I like will never choose me because of my race. My friend and I are pretty similar: quiet, sarcastic,etc. Granted, it could just be because she's shorter and probably way better at flirting than I am (a bit more open), but I feel like Parker or any other white guy in general would choose her over me simply because she's white and I'm black. And that's not right..
Of course, this is all just in a hypothetical situation though. For now I'll let it slide.
Why do I get so upset at these things? :\
I gave Larry my "I find you to be very attractive" card. It was probably the most nerve-racking, most embarrasing, hardest thing I've had to do by far this year. Aside from that Miss pageant.
I'm slowly dying on the inside having to write this paper for Philosophy. I procrastinated way too much. It's not even that bad, just 6 pages, but I literally can't wrap my head around it. I know what I'd like to say, I just can't type it out in complete sentences. I fucking hate this. And it makes me wonder if I'm the problem, if maybe I shouldn't be in school...
My new favorite song is "Crave You" by Flight Facilities. It sums up my love life perfectly... Take a listen!
And finally, I'm getting sick of my roommate. She's getting on my nerves. Thank goodness I get to leave in 2 days.. Not that I want to leave. If it were up to me I'd keep living on campus and not go home and just... kick her out.
Now, the main point of this post. This morning before my final I ate breakfast with 3 friends, 2 girls and my friend Parker. One of the girls admitted to me that she had a "baby crush" on Parker earlier, which is fine I thought, but when I saw them interact in person today I couldn't stand it. Parker has a girlfriend and my friend has a boyfriend so I shouldn't be phased but they were walking together making little jokes back and forth and it made me upset. If, somehow, they end up dating I will be pissed. Why, you ask? Because that would just prove to me that the guys I like will never choose me because of my race. My friend and I are pretty similar: quiet, sarcastic,etc. Granted, it could just be because she's shorter and probably way better at flirting than I am (a bit more open), but I feel like Parker or any other white guy in general would choose her over me simply because she's white and I'm black. And that's not right..
Of course, this is all just in a hypothetical situation though. For now I'll let it slide.
Why do I get so upset at these things? :\
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