Nature Trip

No, haha, I didn't take these pictures while on a nature trip. I just happen to really like these pictures. The upper left and bottom right pictures are of Ginko Biloba trees. There's one on campus here. I noticed its leaves one day and noted it because they were so unique. The upper right picture is of a monkey flower, an orange one to be more specific haha. The name and color just fits me so well! x) And the bottom left picture is of a yellow sticky monkey flower. That picture is stunning, period. I just had to throw it in my collage haha. But yea, aren't these plants so pretty? Take a second and look at all the nature around you. You'll find that it truly is amazing. <3

That'd be awesome if I could have orange monkey flowers at my wedding LOL!

Today was just one of those "why am I even on this team?" days. Not too great.

My solution = MUSIC

So... the first time I heard Clara C sing I got chills. And listening to Adele's song Someone Like You right now is giving me those same chills. It's so weird.

It's such a sad song but it's also really moving. Her words and voice combine to make a truly powerful song. I've never really felt a heartbreak like that before but my goodness, I feel like I get a hint of how it feels listening to this song.

...DOWNLOADING IT! lol (don't worry, I'm actually buying it)

TIFFANY LAM! I'm so sorry! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!

BEST FRIEND..

Where've you gone? :(
Don't you remember what I said? Don't lose touch...

I was sort of just waiting for that moment when I broke down and cried and had this insatiable need to go home but you know what? I'm okay with the way things are. Not waking up to see my family every day took some getting used to but after a while I realized that I'm doing fine without them. I don't really feel homesick. Of course I still want to see them and all my friends again like I used to, but I can wait.
I'm in a good place right now. Aside from complications with volleyball, I'm doing fine in university (:

Yay me!

OB helps ME.

I was feeling crappy the other day (because my team left me to go to an away game because I was late... I was under the impression that we were supposed to meet at 4:30 rather than 4:15.... and even though half the people in the van had my number, no one called or texted me anything -_- so much for making me feel like I'm actually part of the team. I guess they don't need me to stand on the sidelines and do stats anymore. I may as well just quit, I never play anyway...) so I wrote an Operation Beautiful note to cheer me up. I wrote a few others and posted them up in the bathrooms on my floor (luckily I live on an all girls floor). When I went over to the elevators an hour later I saw that someone else put up an OB note too. It made me smileeeee! It felt so good to know that my message got across to someone. It majorly improved my mood. Not only that, but the note that I wrote to myself is still up in the bathroom in my hall so every morning when I go to the bathroom I have that note there to motivate me.. and motivate others as well!

Operation Beautiful, it's a beautiful thing :)

"You are stong, you are smart, you are important, you are loved. Remember that.
Stay beautiful <3"

Day 17

Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.

Honestly, I've never thought about switching lives with anyone... Actually I take that back, I've always wondered what it'd be like to be a guy lol. But I really wouldn't want to actually switch lives with one. I like the life I have. And yes, people always say that they want to see from another person's perspective, but things wouldn't be the same if you actually could. Everyone has different experiences for a reason. So that we can learn to look outside the box. So that we can try to see things from another's perspective. So that we all take that extra effort to relate to each other just a little bit more. So that we can learn to accept others the way they are. Therefore if I had the chance to switch lives with someone for a day, I wouldn't do it.
Yea, that was a long explanation but it made sense in my head haha :)

(:

Dear Erin Whateverthefuckyourlastnameis,

I don't like you.

Since the first couple of days practicing with you, you seemed like someone I couldn't trust, much less befriend. You were always talking about people behind their backs. You made fun of them and you always seemed to be whispering something to someone else. For all I know you've been talking about me too. But today during practice when you told me to do the suicides right you really pissed me off. You came up to me an literally walked me throuhg an entire suicide, telling me which lines to stop at. What you didn't know is that I did the suicide right. I stopped at every line and bent down to touch each one too. Morgan can testify too because she was right next to me when I did it. The only reason you "saw me ahead of everyone else" is because I was faster. Don't accuse me of doing the drill wrong because I just so happen to run faster than you, bitch. Coach doesn't have me playing in games so I push myself harder in practice to get some sort of exercise. Mind your own damn business. If you'd like to correct me, check yourself first. Come at me again and I promise you an argument will arise. You may be older than me, you may have been on this team longer, but you know NOTHING about me and what I can do. Fall back bitch. And lay off the eye makeup. That plus the 6 different colors in your hair makes you look like you're high... all the time.

Love, Cjoe

P.S. Don't mess with me.

Stillness

There are days when I feel perfectly fine, at peace with being on my own here, but then there are other days when I look back at old pictures with my friends and I feel off balance. I don't feel whole. I feel awkward and homesick. There are days like today when I wish I could just turn back time and relive those moments with my family and friends. Days when I want to just slow down the world and take a breather. Days when I want to curl into a ball under my soft orange covers and just cry my insecurities away. I'm eighteen years old. I'm living in a residence hall in the dead town of Framingham. I won't say that I'm on my own because I know that my family supports me 110%, as do my friends. But when I talk to them on the phone or through a webcam I wish that our conversations would last longer. I wish there weren't so many awkward silences. I wish I didn't have to press 'End Call'. I want them to be here with me because it's hard being dropped off in a strange place. It's hard making new friends. It's hard watching everyone around you make friends faster, leaving you feeling like a loner. I have to step out of my shell. Every day I find myself disliking the volleyball girls more and more (except for one or two). They're secretive and don't really include me in things anymore. I don't like their personalities. I have to make new friends, I just don't know how. Or if I can..

Take me back to the time when we were kids. When it wasn't hard to find someone to hang out with. When you could make a friend in mere seconds. Take me back to those days when I knew where I belonged, when I was sure of myself, when I felt... at home.