Day 13

Write a letter telling someone something you could never tell them.

Haha. I've done this on Facebook a couple times.. of course, I bleeped out some words and names from it so that people couldn't tell who I was talking about lol. My only problem now is deciding on who to write to.

Dear Dinah,

How did our relationship turn out the way it did? How is it that you can be my flesh and blood sister and I am able to still feel not much of anything for you? I've always blamed it on the fact that we were born five years apart. I blame the fact that you never played with me and the fact that you were forced to take me places on that age difference. When I was just a kid you were already in your tween/teen years. Of course you had grown out of that Barbie phase. But there's always that little piece of my mind that thinks that you never liked me to begin with. Maybe you were jealous that I stole your spot as the youngest child. The are a limited number of times I remember you actually showing affection for me. Once was back when we shared a room. Mom and Dad were fighting, yelling loud, and it scared me. I started crying on my bed and you asked me what was wrong. You climbed on the bed with me and held me telling me that it was okay. You stayed with me until I stopped crying. You made me feel safe. The other time was when you wrote me a letter. In it you said things like "I know it seems like I don't care about you, but I love you little sister." It was special, it put a big smile on my face. Too bad I don't know where that letter is now... But those small moments almost don't compare to all the other times we've screamed at each other, all those other times we nearly started throwing punches. I feel as though we'll never have that sisterly bond that I've always wished for. It's just too late. It's too late for us to hang out and for it to feel normal. We've never been close and I don't think we ever will be.

And you know what? Last week when Mom was offering you fish and you said "give it to Christina" that really hurt me. What's wrong with you? I know our personalities are completely different, but do you have to be such a bitch to everyone in the family all the time? Sigh.

Signed,

Little Sister