Day 14

A picture of something you ate and 10 confessions.

I stole this from my house on Sunday and I've slowly being eating the whole quart by myself smh. Literally like 15 minutes ago I almost finished it. And now my stomach is bulging out and I feel fat and lazy :\

1. Today we (the volleyball team) had our first scrimmage with CCRI (Community College of Rhode Island or something like that) and I didn't get to play. Coach said that I was supposed to go in during the 5th set because usually there's 5, but tonight there were just 4 sets soo.... yea. I don't know. When it started I got really upset that he wanted me to do stats and I started doubting my decision to stay on the team. I do that a lot nowadays. Maybe it wasn't the right decision... :(
2. I really miss my Boston/high school/Asian friends. Every day I'm liking my teammates less and less (except for one or two). I just don't like their personalities. They constantly talk about other teammates behind their backs, they act stupid, and they whisper and giggle to each other in front of everyone else. I can only imagine that they talk about me behind my back too.
3. It's as if each day I spend here I lose sight of myself and what I came here for. I'm not sure of myself anymore.
4. Right now I sort of feel like bawling my eyes out.
5. I hope I get along with my roommate nicely. She's already friends with one of the girls on the volleyball team (one of the ones I genuinely like) so we shouldn't have too much trouble.
6. I've accepted who I am for the most part, but there are still those days when I look in the mirror and just want to wipe what I see away. Those days are actually becoming more frequent.
7. I'm holding back tears right now.
8. I feel as though I don't belong on the volleyball team, like I'm an outsider. I'm afraid I'll be a loner for the rest of my time here, that I won't find a real friend.
9. I miss home and my family and my bed and.. those childish days when I could do things without having to worry about scary moments like this.
10. Ummm... I was very close to losing my lip virginity (haha my first kiss) to my best friend. But that was like 3 years ago lol.