Wednesday, April 13, 2011


I have no idea what happened Monday. The day went by in a blur. I know I went home early for an orthodontist appt with my mom, but then I don't remember what happened after. At night I remember I came upstairs to take a shower but my mom was taking forever so I lay down on my bed and I nodded off. I woke up to my mom yelling at me to get up and do some work. She kept saying "This is why you're gonna fail". That day we got a letter in the mail about me nearly failing Precalc Honors. It said that I needed a D- average to graduation. Which right now is a relief because I talked to Bradeen today and she said that I at least need a 40 on the final to pass with a D-. I won't say I'm aiming for that because I think I can manage that, especially if I get a B for 4th term. It just took a bit of weight off my shoulders. I'm not in the green yet, but I'm thinking that it'll turn out okay and I'll get to graduate ^^
But getting back to the story, my mom's words struck me. And she goes on talking for 10 minutes after a conversation is over so she was walking around the hall still talking about me as if I were some lost cause. I closed my door and turned on my iPod. Then I started crying. And it was like I couldn't stop. Even when my mom came an hour later I couldn't stop. It was an all-out blubbery, boogery sort of cry. I told her she was the last person I wanted to talk to. Then Malcolm came in and he helped me stop. He became my therapist. We talked and in the end I felt slightly better.
When I looked in the mirror I saw someone I didn't know. (Or maybe someone I haven't seen in a while. Maybe someone I've been hiding all along..) My entire face was swollen (it was the first time that's ever happened to me) and my eyes were all red. I eventually went to sleep, but when I woke up for school my eyes were still swollen. At school I couldn't look anyone in the eye for a while. I walked into homeroom and Z was there so I walked out. I felt like crap. Ka'Mari and Sabrina were talking and he said "Wow, someone didn't get any sleep last night." And I assume that's what everybody else thought too because (aside from Cwong who saw me in the hall and asked what was wrong.. I adore her ♥) the next person to ask if I was okay was my guidance counselor Mr. Blogier. And that was during lunch. He asked me if I wanted to go to the nurse and I said "No, it's fine."
After school was better because I got to hit during volleyball practice. At one point I tried telling Star what had happened but I ended up walking away from the topic all together. I didn't see the point in telling her something that happened the night before. Though I do feel bad that she has to find out through my blog. Eh...
But yea, that was my Tuesday. I felt like crying again at least 3 times in school.

Oh yea, and I didn't get in the fashion show. Whatever, that's life. But I should really learn not to let everything build up like that. I just breakdown in the end..

I can say one thing though. Hanging out with Star after school cheered me up a lot.

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