Detached, Part II

I just love how we don't talk anymore and I'm not invited to go party with you. Throwed, those 18+ parties I've been wanting to go to foreverrrrrr. I would love to go, but it's fine that I'm not.
I probably brought this upon myself. The distance I initiated, all the times I avoided talking to her. I did it all myself. To myself. Why? I thought I'd be better off. And now I'm just... a little unhappy. That I'm missing out. That because I don't talk to her, I feel detached and like an outsider now.

How quickly things like this change...


Well, on the plus side, last night I had a dream about Jimmy and I finally getting together. Well, we hooked up and made out. It was reeeeaaaallly nice ;) But then he went to go get something and.. never came back. Great. I'm getting abandoned even in my dreams...

Today has probably been the longest day of my life...

Today has probably been the longest day of my lifeeeee. Way too many meetings and shit. -_-

Sitting next to two girls in art class who spend 2...

Sitting next to two girls in art class who spend 2 whole hours talking about their boyfriends. Omg stop. Stfu please.

I hate nights like these. When I feel unimportant and unnoticed, like I'm not ever here. When Holly R gets more action that I do and she's been picked on the entire night. I'm drunk or tipsy or whatever and I'm upset. It's unfair. I don't want to be here. I should be somewhere in Europe, where color of skin isn't an issue. I want to leave. I.. don't belong...

If I were being completely honest...

I'd say that I'm not okay with her hanging out with him. I named my teddy bear after him, for God's sake! She should know that when I say I'm over him, I'm really not. I'm not comfortable with them hanging out. And I realized not too long ago that probably the only reason why he's been acknowledging my existence more now is because he wants to get closer to her.
She's gorgeous, no doubt about it. I can try to boost up my self-esteem and say that I'm not so bad-looking myself, but let's be real. I'm nothing compared to her. None of the guys I like ever pay me any mind. Not her, she could literally have any guy she wants. But she wants him. Funny, because not too long ago she said that she was over her little crush on him, that he's not attractive at all. That was before when she had a boyfriend. And now? Well, now she's on the lookout for a new guy. Or maybe a play toy, I don't know. I'm not comfortable with it.

But you know what? After that incident two Thursdays ago I'm not that close to her anyway. So I don't care. I'm okay with it, with them. I'm fine, really.

Andy Grammar - Keep Your Head Up

I literally just lay there in my bed for three minutes listening to my very loud alarm go off. I feel really bad for my roommate :( I had a dream about my alarm going off and I couldn't - didn't wake up to turn if off. I'm horrible haha.

Petula Clark - Downtown

Oh, the 60's...

Netflix on a Sunday Night

Just finished watching An American Crime. And now I'm watching The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. Why am I watching these depressing movies? Sigh..

Long Weekend

 Watching Spongebob on Netflix. Rock bottom is the funniest episode hands down lmao.

Dreamcatcher

In my sketchbook.

I love art.

Flirting on Facebook?

How do you start getting to know an acquaintance you've recently added to your friends on Facebook? He's so cute! And nice. And he's smart and tall and so perfect! But he's also going to study abroad in Italy in a month... How do I start talking to him? Say happy Valentine's day? My friend said to say "We're both tall, we'd make amazing babies." yea.. Not happening.

My Valentine(s)

I really felt the love this year.

It was good.

Last Night

Last night/this morning I threw up for the first time in around 12 years. It wasn't that I overdrank - I had less than what I usually do actually. I just drank on an empty stomach. Bad idea. But my friends stayed and helped take care of me. They are amazing. (And these are the friends that I've recently started hanging out with just this week, not my supposed "Clang Clang" friends...) I know I was sorta freaking out because of my (now past) phobia of vomiting, but they were awesome for staying with me. It's times like those that really show you who your true friends are...

Jimmy showed up was asked to be in the room and I really regret that decision now. I tried to apologize in person and he wasn't in his room so I sent a text message but he still hasn't replied to it. Why must I fuck things up? Smh. And I had a drunken conversation with Frank-o-bean for maybe 2 hours. Greeeeeeaaaaat.

Oh yeah. And I was asked if I was A-sexual yesterday too. What fun.

Still Smiling During Snowstorm Nemo!

My friend Steph and I went out and started sledding with bin tops. It was awesome.

I mean, You Only Live Once, right?

I can't sleep.

Apparently whatever I did tonight, half-consciously keeping Diem from hooking up with Darius was a bad decision. She was mad and she.. expressed her feelings to me. I get it now, I was wrong. She knows what she wants. But it still hurt me. And she was right, I DEFINITELY didn't want to hug her though I said it was okay that she did. What I took away from that.. (I wouldn't even call it a conversation) is that I shouldn't butt in anything about Diem's life. I should just back off. Forever. So I will. I love how tonight was supposed to be my birthday celebration too. What a great way to end it all, right? Getting yelled at? Fuck that. I.. don't need this. I shouldn't feel bad at all. Yes, I was drunk - she was drunk, but I shouldn't feel bad. I'm just done, period. Just another part of my life that's done and over with like Vicky and Jimmy. I'm done.

Best Night Ever

I drank with the boys in the other wing (Cody, Tim, Parker, etc.) and I had so much fun lmao. It's ridiculous the things that happen when guys get drunk. I'm talking about cowboy hats and wrestling and pretzels and food trips and cards and laying on top of closets and Hunger Games. It was great. They're really great guys and I finally edged my way into their group >:D

I'm loving this "have fun" philosophy. I have so many stories to tell lol.

And to think that my morning started off crappy! Larry said hi to me and I had a bunch of fun drinking. I can't wait for tomorrow night when we play Kings...

Made My Day

Oh my lord, Larry L, the Mr. FSU said hi to me just now at dinner. I'm sweaty, and probably really ugly right now because I came from the gym, and it's probably only because I was literally eating him with my eyes for a good 5 minutes while he was getting fries to eat, but.. He. Said. Hi to me. My heart skipped a beat. *swooooooon*

I'm realizing more and more everyday that college isn't really about grades or anything (though, yes, I'm here to earn a degree); it's more about the experiences you gain along the way. It's about the stories you'll have to tell and the friends you'll make and even the projects you'll have to look back at. For me, college is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to have fun. Because think about it, after this, it's all bills and work. I may not know what I want to be right now, but I'll figure it out eventually. I'm going yo make the best of the time I have left, I'm gonna live it up. Remember, college is just one big social test.

Omg. This blog is breaking my heart...

Interracial relationships are so beautiful!
I want that.

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