My parents left for some gala in NY early Saturday morning so they weren't home when I woke up. I hitched a ride with my sister to go to my cousin's son's 1st birthday party. That was one of the most awkward car rides I have ever been in. By now it should be obvious that my sister and I don't have a very good relationship. We rode in silence most of the 30 minute ride there. Eventually she asked me how my first year of college went - a tender spot for me, but I answered truthfully (without mentioning that I failed or my current academic status), that the sciences were difficult because I never really learned how to study in high school, I suck at Chemistry, and that everything else I have the ability to do but never did because I wasn't motivated. And that was the end of any talking for the rest of the ride. Very, very awkward.. I was scared that the entire weekend would be like that because my parents were away but then I remembered Malcolm would still be at home. I don't like to talk to him much anymore but it's still better than those awkward moments with my sister...
I know something's wrong when I can't communicate with my sister normally.Anyway, we arrived at the party early and my cousin still needed help setting up so of course we pitched in. I decorated everything nicely with care. It made me think that I wouldn't mind being a party planner. It's fun. And I'd be great at it.
Earlier that day she came home crying because of this hair treatment she'd gotten done at the salon. She went straight to the bathroom and at first I thought she thought I wasn't home. I quieted in my room to check if she really was crying or I had heard wrong. She was and I didn't know what to do. I was stuck between wanting to go to the bathroom to ask what was wrong and wanting to hide in my room so that I wouldn't see her cry. She came out and asked me to check if her scalp was burned anywhere. It wasn't. I watched as she downed a few Ibuprofen and tried to explain. Apparently she was crying because her head felt like it was on fire. She went back downstairs to scour the internet to find out if this happened to other people too... and I stayed upstairs. I quickly tried to look up information on the treatment she'd gotten. It had something to do with a chemical. I figured her head felt that way because it'd been a while since she'd put chemicals in it. So I went downstairs to tell her that - but only in passing. I didn't stop to sit down with her and tell her to her face, I walked past the living room where she was to the kitchen where I called out my opinion to her. And she responded by entering the kitchen, going to the fridge, looking inside and replying to the food in there. We never made eye contact. After she corrected me I didn't know what to say or do so I just said "Oh" and went back upstairs to take a shower. But I left the door open a bit so I'd be able to hear her or so that she could come in if she needed to. In the end she found a video on Youtube of some girl who had the same traumatic experience she was having because her scalp was sensitive. So told me that, but only through the crack in the door.
Through this whole play-by-play of a 10 minute moment with my sister, you can probably tell that I don't like the way things are. I wish we could be closer, or at least have normal conversations with one another that aren't through text or inanimate objects. But in all likelihood, I don't think we'll ever get past that invisible wall between us. It makes me sad to see my friends and family with their sisters and know that that probably won't ever happen with me and my sister. I won't make the first move and.. I don't think she will either.
Once people started arriving and the grill fired up I realized that there was basically only meat to eat. So I ate some chips and waited to be taken home. I ended up facepainting for the party. I originally didn't want to but I needed something to distract me from my hunger and after doing a tester on my other cousin I found out that I really liked it. I did a few eye designs and I made two kids look like Spiderman, another like Ironman, a third like a tiger (a realistic-looking one too!), and I can't even remember the rest. It was so much fun. I figure I had fun because one, it's painting and two, the kids weren't fussy haha. I'll put up pictures later.
On Sunday I had to wear my new black and silver heels for YMS practice. It was so awkward. I feel like I walk horribly in them but no one said anything so I guess I was okay.
Plans are finalizing for the upcoming Field Day event. I'll be really sad if this fails. It's such a great idea. Hope for the best, I guess.