Monday, July 30, 2012

A Peace of Other Things

I gave the gift.
I couldn't ring the doorbell and hand it to someone - anyone - in person though. Partially because I have no idea which doorbell to ring for the first floor of the apartment because they aren't clearly labeled, and partially because by the time I walked down that familiar street I was too anxious to do anything other than place it on the porch and leave. Still, I have this comfortable sort of halcyon air about me now. I feel like I can finally let the whole thing go. It wasn't a gift to say goodbye, that's not really was I was going for. It was a cross between an "I'm sorry for swearing at you like that, that's not me" and a "I hope someday we can be friends again - just not now because I need to remind myself that I don't need you and... that you don't need my help, ....okay?". All of that in a few words and hours of paper folding enclosed in a bottle, nice huh?

I can't say I feel as good about all the other things.
Yes I got a job, but I don't feel very confident about being good at it. And yes I ran practice for YMS on Sunday but I can't say that things will go as smoothly for all of YMS come the end of the summer... And no, I've not told my parents yet about my... academic standing. I swear I'll tell them early next month. Hopefully they won't go ape-shit. I mean, I'll be making some sort of small income so I can help pay for stuff so I won't be such a waste of space and money, right?

I enjoy being outside a lot more. I like sitting outside feeling the breeze and the sun and, at night, looking up at the sky. It's... peaceful. I wish I could have more moments like that. I wish my whole life could feel like that haha.

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