I just feel so... ALONE.

Where Are You?

All my life I've believed the idea that if two people really mean something to each other, they will end up together. So... where are you?

Can You Hear My Heart

Staying up till 4 in the morning just to watch a Korean drama. There's no better way to spend my vacation... lol jk.
But it's a really good drama! Just in the first three episodes someone lost their memory and another person died. Two people were in comas! lol good stuff. It's a good thing I rarely cry over movies/tv shows cuz I would've been bawling my eyes out over this show.
Anyhow, I think it's time for me to get to sleep now :D

I've noticed that it's pretty much impossible for me to wake up before noon now, and I guess I know why now..... haha

Up earlier than the sun

Up earlier than the sun just to get to work. And I thought I woke up early for high school...

Oh shit.

I'm pretty nervous about my final tomorrow I've managed to spend the day sitting in a chair surfing the web. NOT good... D:

"Then tell the Wind and Fire where to stop, but don't tell me."

Book 3, Chapter 12
Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

"When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time."

Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak (my favorite book)

Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse

The best things in life aren't things.

I've been putting off going to the gym for the past 5 days now. It's actually sort of sad...
._.

That's Some Dream - Good Old War

I'm okay.
:)

I came up with all these awesome gift ideas!

I just don't have the money to get them... yet... ;)

Awwww! ♥

My Second List

I also have this other list that isn't nearly as long... It's a relationship list lol. Things that I want to do with my boyfriend whoever they are and whenever they show up.

First thing's first. In my lifetime I would like to date an Asian guy and a white guy. It's just that overtime guys of those two races have been the ones that I've seemed to fall for more often lol. They're just.. hawt! It'd be nice to actually have a relationship with one. Or you know, just let me do the dirty with Brian Puspos, that would work too ;)

South Korean band ss501

Ryan Gosling, of course

The problem with this picture though is that those clothes are covering up his lovely body... lol

Secondly, I would like to have sex with a firefighter/fireman. Call me crazy but the ones I've seen have all been pretty hot (granted they were in movies... LOL). Either way I would definitely have fun with their rippling muscles.. haha.

Third. Forehead kiss. I want my boyfriend to give me a kiss on the forehead... in the rain lol. Just kidding, kissing in the rain gets its own bullet lmao. But seriously, forehead kisses are uber cute.

Fourth. Makeout with a skateboarder. For some reason I think they're really hot. sigh*

Fifth. I'd like my boyfriend to write me a love letter. It's cute... o^-^o

Sixth. I want to buy walkie talkies and use them to talk to my boyfriend all night long! (Cell phones are so traditional lol.)

And actually that's all I have on this list for now. But I'm sure when I get a boyfriend we'll find more things to do... Not that, you nasties! lol :)

My List

I've been thinking about things that I want to do recently. And the death of that girl who went to my school, Ashley Donahue (rest in peace), really made me think about how quickly your life can be taken away. It brought me back to my list of things to do before I die and I've revised it. Some of the things on my old list were pretty out there lol.

Christina Joseph's List of Things to Do Before I Die
(aka Bucket List)

1. See the 7 Wonders of the World.
   (When looking up the list online there were lots of variations so I just listed the places that sounded most interesting and I guess I can just travel to seven... or more; the Great Wall of China, Machu Picchu, the Roman Colesseum, the Taj Mahal, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the Temple of Artemis, Victoria Falls, Paricutin Volcano, the Aurora in Alaska, the salt flat at Salar de Uyuni in Bolivia during the rainy season, and the Grand Canyon.)
2. Be a Big Sister.
3. Go on a road trip across America.
4. Build a snow fort.
5. Own a dog.
6. Cook a Thanksgiving meal.
7. Learn how to play the piano.
   (Or at least my favorites: River Flows Through You by Yiruma, Canon in D Major by Pachelbel, and Feather by Nujabes)
8. Learn how to meditate.
9. Take yoga classes.
10. Own a copy of Spirited Away.
11. Learn how to swim.
12. Learn 2 magic tricks, one has to be a card trick.
13. Learn how to knit.
14. Ride a horse.
15. Run in a marathon.
16. Fly a kite.
17. Make a vase.
18. Ride on a motorcycle.
19. Ride an elephant.
20. Make a floating lantern.
21. Make 1000 paper cranes.
22. Plant a tree.
23. Dine at the top of a lighthouse.
24. Go skydiving.
25. Ride in a hot air balloon.
26. Send a message in a bottle.
27. Go camping.
28. Go skinny dipping.
29. Donate blood.

Plans

I'm so done with this semester. I just need to make one last effort, study my ass off, and pass my finals. I've experienced my first semester in college, I'm used to it now. I think I've had enough haha. Over break I'm planning to repay some people, get a couple gifts, and put the rest in my bank account. Save! Save! Save!
Then in 2012 I'll get a work-study job (more saving!). I'm planning on finding some volunteering opportunities to do bothon campus and off (in Boston). I haven't done that in a while and I really like helping people, so even on my worst days I'll still have something good to look forward to :)
And in the beginning of the year I signed up for a whole bunch of clubs whose meetings I haven't exactly been attending... :/ So I'm going to get on top of that and get more involved in some of them. I'm planning on joining the Choir on campus too. I love to sing and they need more people so I may as well go for it!
Then there's also this trip to Italy my school's Nutrition department is hosting. I went to the informational meeting and there were only like 10 other people there so I don't think it'll be too bad (one person was already my friend and another was a girl who lives like 3 doors down the hall from me so it'll be a nice chance to get to know her too). It's $3500 for about 2 weeks. It's a food tour so we go around eating good food and we visit a pasta factory and take a cooking class. It sounds like so much fun! I'm hoping I can save up enough money to go (using money left over from my financial aid also), but if not I'm planning on just saving the money and going on another trip some other time or even study abroad.. We'll see...
And next semester I'm taking an Expository Writing class with the teacher that everyone hates. I hear she's super strict but some people say they really liked her class so I don't know. I only have it two times a week, it shouldn't be that bad, right? Besides, I like writing. Maybe I'll do well and actually learn something :) I hope. I'm taking that and Bio and Chem and this Anthropology class on "males and masculinities". That should be interesting. I think 2012 is going to be a good year. It has to be, things can only go up from here.

Real Music : Classical & Jazz ♥

Top: Dinah Washington, Billie Holiday, Duke Ellington, Nat King Cole, Sarah Vaughan, Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong (click it for a better look!)
Bottom: Phillip Glass

I feel like I could hibernate and just sleep for days!

Gifts

I'd much rather make people my own personalized gifts rather than buy things because, well, honestly it's because I never have money to spend haha. But not only that, I like making things with my own hands. I always put a lot of love and hard work into my gifts.. and that may not always fare well because some people don't appreciate them. However I enjoy doing it. This year I'll have a job but I still won't have any real money until late December/early January. So it looks like I'll be making gifts again lol. Or I could just do what I did last year and use my Christmas and birthday money to get the gifts I wanted to get people later.. But I ended up pretty much broke after that last year so maybe not. We'll see. I don't have that many people to get gifts for anyway. And even if there are more than expected I can always make something ;)

That brings me to Honeybee... Over the course of a few weeks she's given me a bunch of gifts which I love, no doubt. But they're for no apparent reason. Just because. And accepting so many gifts like that just makes me feel... guilty? I don't know. I just wish I had stuff to give her too! So when I give her my cheap handmade gifts I feel like they're not good enough compared to all the gifts she bought, you know?
I do have this really nice idea for a gift (yes, it's handmade lol) but I don't know.. We'll see.

Sigh, oh the woes of exhibiting love and managing money.

♪ Mele Kalikimaka ♫

It's Haiwaii's way to say "Merry Christmas"! ^-^
(Song by Bing Crosby)

Crazy Stupid Love

Now, I loved Ryan Gosling before, but now? Oh my gosh. First off, that movie was great. Funny, cute, sexy, I loved it! But Ryan taking off his clothes and showing off his amazing body just topped it off for me...

*drools*

Look at that perfect butt. Take me nowwww! lol
♥

Perennial Southern Maidenhair Fern

So delicate. So pretty...
(I saw one during my Bio Lab Practical today.)

Floating Lanterns

They're absolutely beautiful...

I had lots of fun on my sleepover with Honeybee :) I watched Tangled and it turned out to be a really good movie! A major symbol in the movie was those floating lanterns. I've never actually seen one before in real life but I'd love to make one some day.

That's like the 5th interracial couple I've seen on campus... where's my guy?!
Am I really that unapproachable? Is is my height? Is it because I'm not constantly smiling? What's wrong with me? No. What's wrong with them?!

By the way, when I left the Culture Club meeting some black girl called to me and said "Excuse me, girl from the volleyball team, is the meeting over?" I'm known as "girl from the volleyball team"... seriously? That sucks considering that I'm quitting this year. By quitting was I letting down the African American community at this school? Were they all silently rooting for me? Too late now I guess. I'll never know.

Why is it so hard to find a spot in the library?!

That's How I Do.

And after a couple of hours shut away in my room reading some fanfiction, I feel so much better. Things are looking up.


I still have that homework to do though lol.
Let's do it!
*MOTIVATED*

Emotionally Exhausted.

What a horrid way to start the day...
So much shit happened yesterday. It ended okay because Malcolm and Honeybee distracted me up but I was just so tired. Not only have I been getting very little sleep this week but it took a lot of energy to pull myself together after that incident with my sister. I didn't do any homework and I woke up dismal and run-down. I feel like I have nothing left in me. I don't want to go to class or be around my roommate. I just want to crawl under my covers and sleep. I probably seem like even more of a bitch than usual to Nina's friends.. maybe even Nina too.
I feel unmotivated, unwanted, and overall unhappy. Yet I still have that pile of work to do. Sigh. I wish this week would just end already. I have a delightful weekend planned ahead. I'm sure that's all I need.


Is it just me or do I seem to be down in the dumps more often nowadays? It's not too too often - maybe once a month - but it's strange . How is it that I have this feeling more now than I ever did in high school? How is it that in a sea of people I can still feel so alone?