"Keep your feet on the ground when your head's in the clouds."
-Paramore, Brick By Boring Brick
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
How To Heal The World
If everyone had a little bit of chocolate with breakfast each morning, the world would be a better place. Guaranteed.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
His Time
As I sit here and look at my dear grandfather passing away before my eyes I think about all he is, all he was to his large family. I think about what this means for my grandmother...and all my aunts and uncles. And my mom.
It must be hard.
It must be hard.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Real Love
Being completely honest, I don't know if true love really exists.
I haven't seen any evidence to show me that it's a real thing. I mean, yea, my parents love each other and my grandparents and a couple different aunts and uncles but... I still doubt its existence. I've never felt that way before so how can I be so sure?
I haven't seen any evidence to show me that it's a real thing. I mean, yea, my parents love each other and my grandparents and a couple different aunts and uncles but... I still doubt its existence. I've never felt that way before so how can I be so sure?
Monday, February 20, 2012
Love me when I'm old
Love me when I'm old and even uglier than now. Be the one to take off my pants in a fitting room when I can't do it myself. <3
Thursday, February 9, 2012
I Saw Him Again... C:
And when I got back to my dorm You Don't Know My Name by Alicia Keys started playing on my iTunes. Don't you love it when a song matches your mood perfectly? :)
Friday, January 6, 2012
The Princess and The Frog
Interracial relationships FTW!
I just finished watching that and it was one of the cutest movies I've seen in a while. I loved it! Even though Prince Naveen just happened to fall in love with Tiana over the course of a day... lol. It's now one of my favorites :)
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Where Are You?
All my life I've believed the idea that if two people really mean something to each other, they will end up together. So... where are you?
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Love has never really hit me.
Everyday I walk the streets saying or acting like I'm content being alone. But no one ever really is. Compliments from middle-aged strangers means absolutely nothing to me. I'm continuously waiting for something, someone to make my time here a bit more worthwhile. I wait for the day when I can walk around with a smile on my face or at least a smile in my heart. It's taking forever to get here. But when it does, it can all so easily be swept away. I can get my heart broken in a second. Still, it's a risk I'm willing to take. Once that person comes along...
Monday, March 28, 2011
Looks last a moment, personality lasts a lifetime.
Because think about it, if you love someone for their looks you sure as hell won't love them when they're old and wrinkly. When you love someone for all that they are, you love every little thing about them even when they're old. You may not have looks but you have your brain and your heart.
:]
:]
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Still Up
So I've had the weirdest past couple of days. It's like a freaking rollercoaster. Wednesday I got everything done including making a sign for "boyfriend". The cake almost fell apart completely and I was pissed, but it turned out okay. I ended up going to bed at like 3. Thursday was busyyyyy. I did run home and get flowers and run back to school. But then I milled around for a few hours because there's not much the models needed to do except put on makeup and practice poses. The show went on and it was awesome. I only felt nervous right before. On the stage I just walked and forget the crowd (though I did hear them screaming loud). After walking off though my heart nearly exploded through my chest! It was exhilirating :) I sorta kinda don't like looking at any of the pics though. I think I look gross in basically all of them. Sure, people told me that I looked fierce and I was awesome, but when I see the pictures, all I see is a man-girl. I look like a guy, which sucks cuz I was wearing makeup and everything. I guess I just have to see the who thing to get the full effect. But this isn't the only time. It's like, in some angles I look like a guy and in others, a girl. Which makes me mad cuz I know I'm a girl. I blame my dad for giving me manly features lol. Then again, after I read Twinn's wall post saying how I looked beautiful I couldn't help but smile. She's too sweet. It's weird how she knows just the right words to say. And she has no idea the effect she has on people... :(
Anywho, all the while Star wasn't talking to me. Literally, during the show she was ignoring me. I sorta think it's cuz she's been stressed. Plus, when I just stormed off Monday that probably added to the stress so she cut me out completely. Stress, or payback for me not talking to her. Either way, it had me worried. We were just talking the other day about how she could just push me out of her life one day. And I told her that would never happen. If she hadn't have talked to me this weekend I would've been prepared for battle Monday. I would've demanded why she was ignoring me and then told her that she wasn't gonna get rid of me that easy. But there was nothing to worry about because she called me today asking if I were going to the Y. I really wanted to pass and talk to her so I went. I never got a chance to confront her about her distance, but that's okay I guess. As long as we're still talking. Our relationship is very... odd. We argue a lot, but we end up together in the end. It's pretty hard to let someone go when you know their background story. But yea, over the course of the afternoon I got moody. I don't really remember why but I did. Then all I wanted to do was hit that volleyball. And I did, but it didn't do much.
Vthong told me about how "boyfriend" left the sign I made him in the cafeteria after Asian Night. And I got upset, even more upset than her flaking our afternoon out because I spent time on that poster. It wasn't easy to make. So I talked to her on facebook and it's all good now. Even Twinn talked to me. She noticed something was wrong and asked to be my therapist
Anywho, all the while Star wasn't talking to me. Literally, during the show she was ignoring me. I sorta think it's cuz she's been stressed. Plus, when I just stormed off Monday that probably added to the stress so she cut me out completely. Stress, or payback for me not talking to her. Either way, it had me worried. We were just talking the other day about how she could just push me out of her life one day. And I told her that would never happen. If she hadn't have talked to me this weekend I would've been prepared for battle Monday. I would've demanded why she was ignoring me and then told her that she wasn't gonna get rid of me that easy. But there was nothing to worry about because she called me today asking if I were going to the Y. I really wanted to pass and talk to her so I went. I never got a chance to confront her about her distance, but that's okay I guess. As long as we're still talking. Our relationship is very... odd. We argue a lot, but we end up together in the end. It's pretty hard to let someone go when you know their background story. But yea, over the course of the afternoon I got moody. I don't really remember why but I did. Then all I wanted to do was hit that volleyball. And I did, but it didn't do much.
Vthong told me about how "boyfriend" left the sign I made him in the cafeteria after Asian Night. And I got upset, even more upset than her flaking our afternoon out because I spent time on that poster. It wasn't easy to make. So I talked to her on facebook and it's all good now. Even Twinn talked to me. She noticed something was wrong and asked to be my therapist
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I Thought Wrong. There's Always A Downside.
So I thought that I'd be able to handle today but I was wrong.
OMG! EWWW! I guess I was standing to close to the edge of the roof because I just felt drops of something fall on me. I'm guessing it was pigeon pee (do they even pee???). Ugh! If some sort of mutant cancerous growth starts forming on my hand, you'll know why. Anywho, where was I...
I thought that I'd be able to handle today, but I was wrong. I'm almost can't wait for next year now. Sigh. I have no idea how I went through this before (because pretty much the samething happened to me in middle school; except then, my freind--my best friend-- actually went out with the guy). If you haven't figured it out by now I'm talking about Hung.
So today was a pretty good day. I felt a lot better than I have been feeling all week. We did pretty much nothing in our classes because there's still AP testing. So I spent most of the day reading Runaways. And I finished it too! Lexie wants to read it now >:) I'm gonna give it to her tomorrow when we have our movie night. I sorta want to sleep over too, but idk. And Qui wants to read the second one so I'll give it to him after I'm done with it haha, probably Monday. And though I didn't talk to Cwong all day (I think she waved at me once in the stairwell but I kept walking, I felt soooo bad!), afterschool when I was waiting for Emmi and taking pics with Vthong, she talked to me!!! :D really sad sounding, but it's the truth. Of course she talked to Vthong first, but it's something. I hate how we act like strangers :(
Yeah, so afterschool Emmi and I went to go get he Build-a-Bear/senior gift for our group for Phi. And we met up Jenny... and Hung at Ruggles. At first it was okay. He's a funny dude (and Emmi too!) so conversation wasn't awkward or anything. But by he end of the day Hung and Jenny were tires and... I dint even want to say it. Because I know it sounds ridiculous, but just one movement can hurt a lot it if you really like a person :( and this morning I walked up the stairs but Sarah C2 wasn't there and the only other person I knew was Hung who was sitting by himself so I sat wig him. Then later Cwong came and that made it extra awkward ugh.
Anywho, I hunk I'm just gonna stay away from him now... or at least when Jenny's around. I can't handle it.
But aside from the Hung and Jenny situation, today was a pretty good day. I'm just really hungry! I can't wait to get home and eat some foooooooodddddd! You can't buy much with only one dollar in your wallet, even if you are at McDonalds.
Oh, this is my bus stop. Blog you later.
Xtina
:\
P.S. (I'm at home) I realized that love really is a losing game. In the end, you still lose your love. Always. Welllllll, maybe not always. But aside from relationships like in The Notebook, you do.
OMG! EWWW! I guess I was standing to close to the edge of the roof because I just felt drops of something fall on me. I'm guessing it was pigeon pee (do they even pee???). Ugh! If some sort of mutant cancerous growth starts forming on my hand, you'll know why. Anywho, where was I...
I thought that I'd be able to handle today, but I was wrong. I'm almost can't wait for next year now. Sigh. I have no idea how I went through this before (because pretty much the samething happened to me in middle school; except then, my freind--my best friend-- actually went out with the guy). If you haven't figured it out by now I'm talking about Hung.
So today was a pretty good day. I felt a lot better than I have been feeling all week. We did pretty much nothing in our classes because there's still AP testing. So I spent most of the day reading Runaways. And I finished it too! Lexie wants to read it now >:) I'm gonna give it to her tomorrow when we have our movie night. I sorta want to sleep over too, but idk. And Qui wants to read the second one so I'll give it to him after I'm done with it haha, probably Monday. And though I didn't talk to Cwong all day (I think she waved at me once in the stairwell but I kept walking, I felt soooo bad!), afterschool when I was waiting for Emmi and taking pics with Vthong, she talked to me!!! :D really sad sounding, but it's the truth. Of course she talked to Vthong first, but it's something. I hate how we act like strangers :(
Yeah, so afterschool Emmi and I went to go get he Build-a-Bear/senior gift for our group for Phi. And we met up Jenny... and Hung at Ruggles. At first it was okay. He's a funny dude (and Emmi too!) so conversation wasn't awkward or anything. But by he end of the day Hung and Jenny were tires and... I dint even want to say it. Because I know it sounds ridiculous, but just one movement can hurt a lot it if you really like a person :( and this morning I walked up the stairs but Sarah C2 wasn't there and the only other person I knew was Hung who was sitting by himself so I sat wig him. Then later Cwong came and that made it extra awkward ugh.
Anywho, I hunk I'm just gonna stay away from him now... or at least when Jenny's around. I can't handle it.
But aside from the Hung and Jenny situation, today was a pretty good day. I'm just really hungry! I can't wait to get home and eat some foooooooodddddd! You can't buy much with only one dollar in your wallet, even if you are at McDonalds.
Oh, this is my bus stop. Blog you later.
Xtina
:\
P.S. (I'm at home) I realized that love really is a losing game. In the end, you still lose your love. Always. Welllllll, maybe not always. But aside from relationships like in The Notebook, you do.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sand Hearts
The rays shower soft warm kisses on my skin,
but they're nothing compared to your kisses.
When your lips find mine, a fire burns inside.
Simultaneously, a cool calm washes over me
every single time
because I know that you're mine.
This. Us. We.
Together.
Finally.
On this sunny day we ventured to the beach.
I splashed you and you lifted me on your shoulders.
The war begins.
Yet in your arms
I feel like I've already surrendered.
My heart is yours
but your heart is mine.
A truce for the times.
We signed the treaty with
loving hugs OOOOO
and kisses XXXXX.
I drew half a heart in the sand
and you completed it.
Then you ran away
carrying me on your back.
We frolic and play and laugh and love.
I clasp your hand and you whisper "Forever."
But nature knows all.
Overtime, the waves and the wind
will sweep that heart away.
They will wipe away our footsteps
clearing the clues that we were ever here.
It's destined, but not discernible to us.
We and our bright young love.
Nature knows all.
The sand hearts will vanish
so really, how long is forever?
but they're nothing compared to your kisses.
When your lips find mine, a fire burns inside.
Simultaneously, a cool calm washes over me
every single time
because I know that you're mine.
This. Us. We.
Together.
Finally.
On this sunny day we ventured to the beach.
I splashed you and you lifted me on your shoulders.
The war begins.
Yet in your arms
I feel like I've already surrendered.
My heart is yours
but your heart is mine.
A truce for the times.
We signed the treaty with
loving hugs OOOOO
and kisses XXXXX.
I drew half a heart in the sand
and you completed it.
Then you ran away
carrying me on your back.
We frolic and play and laugh and love.
I clasp your hand and you whisper "Forever."
But nature knows all.
Overtime, the waves and the wind
will sweep that heart away.
They will wipe away our footsteps
clearing the clues that we were ever here.
It's destined, but not discernible to us.
We and our bright young love.
Nature knows all.
The sand hearts will vanish
so really, how long is forever?
Monday, February 15, 2010
Untitled: Reflections, Part II
Selflessness.
We need more of it in the world... or do we?
I was going to write about my Twinn and how I want to be more like her, selfless. But now that I think about it, I don't. When I think of the word selfless, I think of giving yourself up to others, all of yourself (not sexually! lol). You always lay your heart on the line when you do things for others. And in a utopia, that would be fine, but this is the real world we're living in. In the real world, people hurt and abuse others. In the real world, people have trust issues. In the real world, people are paranoid. When a person does a selfless act, others might think that there are hidden motives behind it. And sometimes there will be.
But with Twinn, her kindness comes from her heart. It's practically linked directly to it. And she tries to do good and make others smile, but every once in a while someone comes along and breaks her heart. And she hurts and she cries. And when she hurts, I hurt. I even cried today. Funny how one person can make me bawl my eyes out, but a movie like The Notebook can only get me misty eyed haha.
So that's why I don't think being selfless is very useful anymore. Instead, I'll try being more caring. I don't think the world's ready for selfless people yet. For now, I think being caring is good enough. Care for others with all your heart, with good intentions, but care for yourself also. Because when you get hurt, other people hurt. Maybe that'll stop the cycle...
Yeah, so that's what I'm changing my New Years resolution to. I forget what it was before, but now I'm changing it to "be more caring."
I think I'm doing a good job. Being friends with people like Ninja and Twinn, it definitely rubs off lol. Ninja told me earlier that both he and Twinn find me selfless. I don't see why. I'm nothing compared to them. Ninja, he helps people whenever he can. Whether it's helping them out with Chemistry or practicing volleyball with them, he adds more to his workload for others. And I truly admire him for that. Not so much for him being busy all the time, but for helping others any way he can. Not only has he helped me understand classwork a few times, but he went out of his way to get Youtube videos to make sure I got it. He does so much...
I will repay him somehow one of these days. I just constantly try to keep him in my mind. Watching, hoping that I'll be able to help him out in some way, big or small. He's a good person, a great person! He just needs to be reminded sometimes haha :)
And Twinn. She's the most selfless person I know. Which in fact, is quite refreshing in the modern day world. I really admire her. She inspires me to become a better person (and Ninja too). I've been reading her blogs. And she cares way too much. Yes, it's wonderful to do things out of your heart for others, but like I said, she gets hurt. She thinks she hurts other people and she beats herself up about it. Twinn, there's nothing wrong with you! It's other people. It's the world lol. I feel like I should hide you away from the world, but we all need to grow up sooner or later. You have to face the world. You need to learn on your own that some things are worth worrying about and others aren't. Like me! lol. I know you said that I'm your first priority. But you should know that my mood swings are short. Like that app on Facebook, My Personality. I took a test and they said, "Based on your responses, you come across as someone who is rarely bothered by things, and when they do get you down the feeling does not persist for very long." So there's no need to worry about me! The whole point of me making a blog was to express my feelings. To rant and vent when I needed to. But now that I have three of my friends following my blog, I guess I should filter what I say because it worries people haha. Just know that if I'm sad or confused, it won't last long!
I love my Twinn so much... (JIFLY!!!!!!! no amount of exclamation points can show how much I love you lol) It hurts me to know she's hurting. And that goes both ways haha. There's that twin mentality. It's a wonder how so much love can be packed into such a little girl. It just goes to show you that there are wonderful things to be found in this world. I'm so lucky to have met her. She means so much to me, you've got no idea.
So where was I? Oh right. Being more caring. I'm going to put my whole heart in things I do. Which I sort of already do... but I'm starting it again with more fervor lol. It links to one of my goals in life too. I want to brighten someone's day each and every day. I'm sure being more caring would brighten more than one person's day :) Who knows?
I always want to help. And to me, the simplest way of helping someone is by making them smile. I try to put a smile on all my friends faces. And I sort of accomplished my goal with Vtang. She's said that I really helped her get over... I don't see how or why, but it's nice to know. She's happier now :)
But she was right. I shouldn't have read the rest of her blog. I realize that my friends and I use these blogs like journals and diaries. We put all our emotions and thoughts out there for everyone to see. And we hurt each other. The truth hurts. And I want to tell Vtang the truth, but I'd rather not hurt her. She's already happy. Apparently I'm the cause of that. So I don't want to be the end of it either. But then again. If it's not only hurting me, if it's affecting others too, should I say something? No. I won't. I can't. One person's already been hurt. No point in hurting another. I've explained to the other affected person, the best I can. In the end, Ninja's right. We shouldn't be reading each others' minds. We were never meant to.
But sometimes we have to get hurt to learn...
I will say one thing though. Vtang, you're definitely not unlikeable! You contradicted yourself lol. If "multiple guys have confessed that they like you and asked you out or had your friends hint to you that they liked you and asked you out," that proves that guys do like you like that! ;)
Last but not least, fiancee. She definitely means a lot to me. I don't know how it happened, how we came to be friends, but we are... and she's hurting. And like I said, it hurts me to know a friend is hurting. Out of everyone, it's with her I try my hardest. I try to cheer her up, to help her get through it all. But again, like I said, I feel like I'm not making a difference. I hope I am. She said that she's sort of afraid that when she does feel like healing, I'll already be gone. I'm not going anywhere. Though I shouldn't make promises I can't keep. Look what happened with me and my bestie...
But I'm here now with new restored faith. And I truly believe that if I want something bad enough, I'll get it. I will help you through you're depression and you will love yourself if it's the last thing I do. (You too Twinn!!) I care about you, that's why I helped you do your turnitin rather than doing mine. You deserve a whole lot more than what you get. Because I know deep down inside what's waiting to come out, what kind of person you can be. You just need help getting there. That's what I'm here for.
So let's get things straight. Just to sum it up, we all need two things: to care for others (and act on it), and to love ourselves -- girls especially. Girls (you know who you are), you need to love yourselves. Because when you love yourselves, you can build confidence, when you have confidence, you can do anything. Believe in yourselves, you can make a difference (you've definitely already made a difference in my life).
I mean, you say that people should love others for all of who they are, the good and the bad, but what about yourself? Yes, it's easy to find faults in yourself, but make sure you can find good things too! Like, yes, I hate my big nose and my big feet and my big hands and my OCD and my controlfreak-ness, but I love my lips and my height (sometimes) and my heart, for loving and caring so much. My heart, it's going out to all my friends. But especially the followers of my blog. You guys should know... I'm here. I care. I love you.
Now love yourselves :)
We need more of it in the world... or do we?
I was going to write about my Twinn and how I want to be more like her, selfless. But now that I think about it, I don't. When I think of the word selfless, I think of giving yourself up to others, all of yourself (not sexually! lol). You always lay your heart on the line when you do things for others. And in a utopia, that would be fine, but this is the real world we're living in. In the real world, people hurt and abuse others. In the real world, people have trust issues. In the real world, people are paranoid. When a person does a selfless act, others might think that there are hidden motives behind it. And sometimes there will be.
But with Twinn, her kindness comes from her heart. It's practically linked directly to it. And she tries to do good and make others smile, but every once in a while someone comes along and breaks her heart. And she hurts and she cries. And when she hurts, I hurt. I even cried today. Funny how one person can make me bawl my eyes out, but a movie like The Notebook can only get me misty eyed haha.
So that's why I don't think being selfless is very useful anymore. Instead, I'll try being more caring. I don't think the world's ready for selfless people yet. For now, I think being caring is good enough. Care for others with all your heart, with good intentions, but care for yourself also. Because when you get hurt, other people hurt. Maybe that'll stop the cycle...
Yeah, so that's what I'm changing my New Years resolution to. I forget what it was before, but now I'm changing it to "be more caring."
I think I'm doing a good job. Being friends with people like Ninja and Twinn, it definitely rubs off lol. Ninja told me earlier that both he and Twinn find me selfless. I don't see why. I'm nothing compared to them. Ninja, he helps people whenever he can. Whether it's helping them out with Chemistry or practicing volleyball with them, he adds more to his workload for others. And I truly admire him for that. Not so much for him being busy all the time, but for helping others any way he can. Not only has he helped me understand classwork a few times, but he went out of his way to get Youtube videos to make sure I got it. He does so much...
I will repay him somehow one of these days. I just constantly try to keep him in my mind. Watching, hoping that I'll be able to help him out in some way, big or small. He's a good person, a great person! He just needs to be reminded sometimes haha :)
And Twinn. She's the most selfless person I know. Which in fact, is quite refreshing in the modern day world. I really admire her. She inspires me to become a better person (and Ninja too). I've been reading her blogs. And she cares way too much. Yes, it's wonderful to do things out of your heart for others, but like I said, she gets hurt. She thinks she hurts other people and she beats herself up about it. Twinn, there's nothing wrong with you! It's other people. It's the world lol. I feel like I should hide you away from the world, but we all need to grow up sooner or later. You have to face the world. You need to learn on your own that some things are worth worrying about and others aren't. Like me! lol. I know you said that I'm your first priority. But you should know that my mood swings are short. Like that app on Facebook, My Personality. I took a test and they said, "Based on your responses, you come across as someone who is rarely bothered by things, and when they do get you down the feeling does not persist for very long." So there's no need to worry about me! The whole point of me making a blog was to express my feelings. To rant and vent when I needed to. But now that I have three of my friends following my blog, I guess I should filter what I say because it worries people haha. Just know that if I'm sad or confused, it won't last long!
I love my Twinn so much... (JIFLY!!!!!!! no amount of exclamation points can show how much I love you lol) It hurts me to know she's hurting. And that goes both ways haha. There's that twin mentality. It's a wonder how so much love can be packed into such a little girl. It just goes to show you that there are wonderful things to be found in this world. I'm so lucky to have met her. She means so much to me, you've got no idea.
So where was I? Oh right. Being more caring. I'm going to put my whole heart in things I do. Which I sort of already do... but I'm starting it again with more fervor lol. It links to one of my goals in life too. I want to brighten someone's day each and every day. I'm sure being more caring would brighten more than one person's day :) Who knows?
I always want to help. And to me, the simplest way of helping someone is by making them smile. I try to put a smile on all my friends faces. And I sort of accomplished my goal with Vtang. She's said that I really helped her get over... I don't see how or why, but it's nice to know. She's happier now :)
But she was right. I shouldn't have read the rest of her blog. I realize that my friends and I use these blogs like journals and diaries. We put all our emotions and thoughts out there for everyone to see. And we hurt each other. The truth hurts. And I want to tell Vtang the truth, but I'd rather not hurt her. She's already happy. Apparently I'm the cause of that. So I don't want to be the end of it either. But then again. If it's not only hurting me, if it's affecting others too, should I say something? No. I won't. I can't. One person's already been hurt. No point in hurting another. I've explained to the other affected person, the best I can. In the end, Ninja's right. We shouldn't be reading each others' minds. We were never meant to.
But sometimes we have to get hurt to learn...
I will say one thing though. Vtang, you're definitely not unlikeable! You contradicted yourself lol. If "multiple guys have confessed that they like you and asked you out or had your friends hint to you that they liked you and asked you out," that proves that guys do like you like that! ;)
Last but not least, fiancee. She definitely means a lot to me. I don't know how it happened, how we came to be friends, but we are... and she's hurting. And like I said, it hurts me to know a friend is hurting. Out of everyone, it's with her I try my hardest. I try to cheer her up, to help her get through it all. But again, like I said, I feel like I'm not making a difference. I hope I am. She said that she's sort of afraid that when she does feel like healing, I'll already be gone. I'm not going anywhere. Though I shouldn't make promises I can't keep. Look what happened with me and my bestie...
But I'm here now with new restored faith. And I truly believe that if I want something bad enough, I'll get it. I will help you through you're depression and you will love yourself if it's the last thing I do. (You too Twinn!!) I care about you, that's why I helped you do your turnitin rather than doing mine. You deserve a whole lot more than what you get. Because I know deep down inside what's waiting to come out, what kind of person you can be. You just need help getting there. That's what I'm here for.
So let's get things straight. Just to sum it up, we all need two things: to care for others (and act on it), and to love ourselves -- girls especially. Girls (you know who you are), you need to love yourselves. Because when you love yourselves, you can build confidence, when you have confidence, you can do anything. Believe in yourselves, you can make a difference (you've definitely already made a difference in my life).
I mean, you say that people should love others for all of who they are, the good and the bad, but what about yourself? Yes, it's easy to find faults in yourself, but make sure you can find good things too! Like, yes, I hate my big nose and my big feet and my big hands and my OCD and my controlfreak-ness, but I love my lips and my height (sometimes) and my heart, for loving and caring so much. My heart, it's going out to all my friends. But especially the followers of my blog. You guys should know... I'm here. I care. I love you.
Now love yourselves :)
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Overview, Part II
Today, Saturday. Yesterday night I went to bed at 9. I woke up at 9. 12 hours of glorified sleep, mmmmmmm...
I ate cereal, then watched videos. Degrassi was sooooo cute! And Modern Family was HI-larioussss! Then I worked on "the farm" (that took a lot longer than expected). I had a plan to blog, then do homework, then leisure read, but that's not what happened at all. Come 2 pm, my brother Malcolm told me he was boooorrrreeedddd. And that he wanted to do something. We ended up bowling lol. I had a pretty good time. But right at the end, I got upset again. Maybe it was because I didn't get the toy I wanted from the arcade or maybe it was thinking about couples... but I was not happy at all going back home.
Right now, I have no idea what's wrong with me. I played some music. But I realize that listening to music can soothe my soul, but it will never heal my heart.
Maybe it's just February and the fact that V-Day is coming up soon, but my generally happy mood has been deteriorating nearly everyday now. I'm even fighting more with my parents O_O
I had an AIM convo with fiancee a while ago and she asked me "how are you? with ____ and Goofy, I mean". And I had no idea what she was talking about. I mean, they're not going out... though I have seen them together...
But anyway! We had a semi-argument about what I'm doing (cherishing the moments I have with Goofy, etc.) and pretty much ever since then, I've been falling apart. Ever so slowly, piece by piece, I'm breaking down. In the convo, it sounded like she wanted me to breakdown. Seriously. So I'm blaming all this on her. Yes, I would've gotten hurt either way, but I still would've been behind a mask of an acceptance of things. Right now, the mask is torn of and I can't pretend that I'm okay with everything anymore.
I'm not okay with seeing ____ and Goofy hang around together. And I'm not okay with seeing her around anymore. Yes, she's a nice person, but I can't stand it knowing that she stole his heart without even doing anything. And I'm not okay with ____ constantly reminding me about the horrible breakup between her and ____. I'm not okay with her telling me half-delusional/jealously-driven stories about ____ and ____. Like, YES! I see it too! I hang out with them all the time! Don't you think it hurts me too? I understand. I heard both of you guys' stories. I get it. You hurt each other and without even knowing it, you're hurting me too. I'm not okay with any of it! My god! Is that what you wanted fiancee? For me to finally break down?! To see me cry while writing this? I don't get it? Does it give you pleasure? Or were you really just concerned about me? I still don't see how forcing me to break is gonna help my situation. It'll be a lonnnngggg time before I get over Goofy. And probably even longer before I get over that other complicated love triangle.
Sighhh; So I don't know what else to say... But I have a few thoughts I wrote down in statuses from the past couple of weeks...
"____, I hear what you're saying, but my feelings won't change. I think I have to get my heart broken in order to learn."
"I can think of 100 songs to explain how I feel about you, but none of them will ever mean a thing if you don't hear the words from my mouth."
"When February come around, the PDA level shoots through the roof! Gross. I dread the 14th every year."
"Things are a lot easier said than done. I can't turn away now, no matter how much it hurts."
"Value life because one, there are people a lot less fortunate than you and two, people are amazing and have the ability to do incredible things. Keep black history month in mind."
"I should be happy for the both of them... but I'm not. Everytime someone brings it up, I break a little more."
Ugh. I feel like Tingtong. She recently... ummm, broke down? Because of Dimples and his... interest. But she's happy or happier now. I'm not. I wonder if I'll ever be. I sort of blame my problem on hanging out with asians too mush, haha. I laugh, but I'm serious. The more I hang out with them, the more I get into their drama. The more I find guys I like, who I'll never be with (mainly because of height :P ). But yea. Ugh. So many problems. So much heart break. I try to just smile, like Goofy says, but I know now that it really isn't that simple...
Smiling is hard when you're heart is broken.
Oh. And I'm debating on whether I should still confess to Goofy or not. I mean, his heart belongs to another girl, what I say won't affect that. But it could affect our relationship. I don't want him to avoid me because of that. I still want to be his friend. I still want to hang out with him like we did before... Should I continue with it? Because I had this plan for V-Day, but I really don't want it to effect what we have... or what's left of it... not that we ever had anything.
I ate cereal, then watched videos. Degrassi was sooooo cute! And Modern Family was HI-larioussss! Then I worked on "the farm" (that took a lot longer than expected). I had a plan to blog, then do homework, then leisure read, but that's not what happened at all. Come 2 pm, my brother Malcolm told me he was boooorrrreeedddd. And that he wanted to do something. We ended up bowling lol. I had a pretty good time. But right at the end, I got upset again. Maybe it was because I didn't get the toy I wanted from the arcade or maybe it was thinking about couples... but I was not happy at all going back home.
Right now, I have no idea what's wrong with me. I played some music. But I realize that listening to music can soothe my soul, but it will never heal my heart.
Maybe it's just February and the fact that V-Day is coming up soon, but my generally happy mood has been deteriorating nearly everyday now. I'm even fighting more with my parents O_O
I had an AIM convo with fiancee a while ago and she asked me "how are you? with ____ and Goofy, I mean". And I had no idea what she was talking about. I mean, they're not going out... though I have seen them together...
But anyway! We had a semi-argument about what I'm doing (cherishing the moments I have with Goofy, etc.) and pretty much ever since then, I've been falling apart. Ever so slowly, piece by piece, I'm breaking down. In the convo, it sounded like she wanted me to breakdown. Seriously. So I'm blaming all this on her. Yes, I would've gotten hurt either way, but I still would've been behind a mask of an acceptance of things. Right now, the mask is torn of and I can't pretend that I'm okay with everything anymore.
I'm not okay with seeing ____ and Goofy hang around together. And I'm not okay with seeing her around anymore. Yes, she's a nice person, but I can't stand it knowing that she stole his heart without even doing anything. And I'm not okay with ____ constantly reminding me about the horrible breakup between her and ____. I'm not okay with her telling me half-delusional/jealously-driven stories about ____ and ____. Like, YES! I see it too! I hang out with them all the time! Don't you think it hurts me too? I understand. I heard both of you guys' stories. I get it. You hurt each other and without even knowing it, you're hurting me too. I'm not okay with any of it! My god! Is that what you wanted fiancee? For me to finally break down?! To see me cry while writing this? I don't get it? Does it give you pleasure? Or were you really just concerned about me? I still don't see how forcing me to break is gonna help my situation. It'll be a lonnnngggg time before I get over Goofy. And probably even longer before I get over that other complicated love triangle.
Sighhh; So I don't know what else to say... But I have a few thoughts I wrote down in statuses from the past couple of weeks...
"____, I hear what you're saying, but my feelings won't change. I think I have to get my heart broken in order to learn."
"I can think of 100 songs to explain how I feel about you, but none of them will ever mean a thing if you don't hear the words from my mouth."
"When February come around, the PDA level shoots through the roof! Gross. I dread the 14th every year."
"Things are a lot easier said than done. I can't turn away now, no matter how much it hurts."
"Value life because one, there are people a lot less fortunate than you and two, people are amazing and have the ability to do incredible things. Keep black history month in mind."
"I should be happy for the both of them... but I'm not. Everytime someone brings it up, I break a little more."
Ugh. I feel like Tingtong. She recently... ummm, broke down? Because of Dimples and his... interest. But she's happy or happier now. I'm not. I wonder if I'll ever be. I sort of blame my problem on hanging out with asians too mush, haha. I laugh, but I'm serious. The more I hang out with them, the more I get into their drama. The more I find guys I like, who I'll never be with (mainly because of height :P ). But yea. Ugh. So many problems. So much heart break. I try to just smile, like Goofy says, but I know now that it really isn't that simple...
Smiling is hard when you're heart is broken.
Oh. And I'm debating on whether I should still confess to Goofy or not. I mean, his heart belongs to another girl, what I say won't affect that. But it could affect our relationship. I don't want him to avoid me because of that. I still want to be his friend. I still want to hang out with him like we did before... Should I continue with it? Because I had this plan for V-Day, but I really don't want it to effect what we have... or what's left of it... not that we ever had anything.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Love-ly
A little fact about me: I love Pon and Zi. They're just so darn cute! lol
I saw this picture and I thought, "I've never been in love with someone before, but I think this is what it feels like." Lol. Isn't it cute?!
I have so many more adorable pics of them, but I'm really lovin this one right now...
I saw this picture and I thought, "I've never been in love with someone before, but I think this is what it feels like." Lol. Isn't it cute?!
I have so many more adorable pics of them, but I'm really lovin this one right now...
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Ahh, the Hopeless Romantic: Part I, Shannon
My experience with boys has been fairly limited. In all my years, I've never had a boyfriend and I'm okay with that. I don't mind being single. From what I can see with my coupled friends and ex-coupled friends, being in a relationship causes a lot of problems anyway. But when crushes factor into the equation, it's a completely different matter. There have only been a few main guys that I've fallen for. Let's see here. There was Shannon in elementary school. That's a good story.
In the 4th grade, we were in the same class. We sat next to each other and we were pretty good friends. Sure, we were different races. Sure, I was taller than him (I'm taller than most of the guys I meet), but none of that mattered. I really really liked him *blush* Every year for the summer he went to France and that's where the sad tale begins. It was on one of the last days of school. We were watching a movie in class (we sat near the back). We were talking then all of a sudden he said something that went along the lines of "sure, they're nice, but they don't compare to you." I wasn't really sure about what he was saying, but I told him that he could tell me again after school. So the bell rang and I started going to the bathroom. I was right in front of the door when he called my name. I turned around and he flat out said it: "I like you." I gotta give him props. He had a lot of guts, unlike me who just said "Oh, okay." Pathetic, isn't it? After that, I turned and went into the bathroom.
I just ruined everything. So for the next couple of days before he left the country, I didn't say anything. I was too shy, like I still am to this day. All throughout the summer, I thought about him. I kept thinking about what could have been, what could have happened if I had just spoken up. Then, the next year in the 5th grade, I saw him and my heart jumped yet again. I told only a few people about my feelings for him and what happened. One person (who I now realize was a horrible choice for a confident) happened to be a loudmouth. She kept bugging me about it and offering to tell him for me until one day I just said yes. So she told him and guess what he said? He said that he just wanted to be friends. I should've known. He probably got over me over the summer or found another girl or something. I was crushed, but I somehow I knew it would never happen.
To this day, I have never told any of my crushes that I liked them. Also, I realized that Shannon was the only guy who admitted that he liked me, I still love him for that :)
But nowadays, I know to choose who I confide in very carefully. That's a very important lesson of life...
In the 4th grade, we were in the same class. We sat next to each other and we were pretty good friends. Sure, we were different races. Sure, I was taller than him (I'm taller than most of the guys I meet), but none of that mattered. I really really liked him *blush* Every year for the summer he went to France and that's where the sad tale begins. It was on one of the last days of school. We were watching a movie in class (we sat near the back). We were talking then all of a sudden he said something that went along the lines of "sure, they're nice, but they don't compare to you." I wasn't really sure about what he was saying, but I told him that he could tell me again after school. So the bell rang and I started going to the bathroom. I was right in front of the door when he called my name. I turned around and he flat out said it: "I like you." I gotta give him props. He had a lot of guts, unlike me who just said "Oh, okay." Pathetic, isn't it? After that, I turned and went into the bathroom.
I just ruined everything. So for the next couple of days before he left the country, I didn't say anything. I was too shy, like I still am to this day. All throughout the summer, I thought about him. I kept thinking about what could have been, what could have happened if I had just spoken up. Then, the next year in the 5th grade, I saw him and my heart jumped yet again. I told only a few people about my feelings for him and what happened. One person (who I now realize was a horrible choice for a confident) happened to be a loudmouth. She kept bugging me about it and offering to tell him for me until one day I just said yes. So she told him and guess what he said? He said that he just wanted to be friends. I should've known. He probably got over me over the summer or found another girl or something. I was crushed, but I somehow I knew it would never happen.
To this day, I have never told any of my crushes that I liked them. Also, I realized that Shannon was the only guy who admitted that he liked me, I still love him for that :)
But nowadays, I know to choose who I confide in very carefully. That's a very important lesson of life...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)