Saturday, August 4, 2012

You know that moment when your voice cracks and you know you're screwed because you can't hold in your tears anymore?

Yeah. That's what happened.

I finally told my parents about my academic standing today and a quarter of the way into it I couldn't keep it together anymore so I just started crying. It's not even because they were yelling at me or anything. Aside from a few of my Mom's ignorant comments, they were actually very supportive. I believe I broke down because one, the person I failed the most was myself (I was the one beating myself up about it and calling myself a failure all along), and two, I'd never actually spoken the words aloud to anyone before that moment - that's when it became a hardened reality.
But anyway, like I said, they were very supportive about it. I guess I'd expected them to just yell at me for a few hours or something. And though it took 20 minutes for my Dad to say anything, the second he opened his mouth to give me encouraging advice I started crying all over again. For some reason when he said it, my parents' support seemed so much more... validated. It seems almost wrong. But whatever. I'm not here to talk about gender roles.

I told them. I didn't die. I know what I need to do to succeed next semester. All that's standing in the way now is time.

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